Thank you for your mail response and the update. As a matter of fact that fee is so much, but I called Barrister Charles to at least make some clarification on this issue. He made me to understand that what the finance house is asking for is very reasonable and the barrister also collaborated so much when I spoke to him that international remittance policy defers, that it's the policy of the finance company to demand for this before transfer can be effected.

But I made him to understand that if it was not possible for this fee to be deducted from the actual sum to be transferred into your account, the barrister told me that you were supposed to travel down to Holland to meet the official of the finance company and see things yourself. The barrister also stated that it's quite clear that we are ignorant of the entire process. That is why we held on or more seriously to our opinions. He therefore enjoins that we must seek to act within the rules and procedures of international remittance and payment to enable us to receive our fund.

So get back to the finance company to enable you to sort this problem out. Let them know if this amount can be deducted from the actual sum to be transferred so that we can conclude once and for all, and as soon as this is done, please try and get back to me.

I remain your humble friend,

Bello Muhameed

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I HAD A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 10:29:17

Dear Gilbert,

I am sorry I may not be in and around my computer for the main time, because I have to go and receive treatment as a result of the injury I sustained.

I and a few passengers were victims of an armed robbery attack on my way to the office this morning.

For certain private reasons, which I need not go into, I do not have a car again, but be as it's now you are my friend, I sold my only car because of the project we have at hand.

Consequently, I have moved around with public transport. This morning I left my house around six thirty am and I was given a ride by one of my friends. He dropped me off close to a flyover.

When my attempt to board a cab failed, I joined a bus with two other passengers. Along the way, the driver stopped at another bus stop to pick another passenger. Shortly afterwards, my phone started ringing. Before I could pick it from my pocket the ringing stopped. It was my wife that called. As I tried to dial her number, I was startled by the sight of a big gun with somebody I thought was a passenger unknown to me. I was sitting in between armed robbers.

The one on my right gave me a punch in the eye and my eye glasses flew off my face. I received several stinging blows on both eyes. Two of the robbers rough handled me and almost stripped me naked from the waist down.

My beautiful handset, the reasonable amount of money, wrist watch and keys were taken from me. The draft of the book I was working on was taken away. Of course, other passengers were robbed also. I could hardly see because of the blows on my eyes.

Under excruciating pain, I pleaded with the robbers to return my envelope containing the draft of my book. Somehow I got the envelope back. Later the robbers dropped us somewhere around the flyover at Maryland and sped away.

For me and the other passenger in the bus, it was a traumatic experience.

I will be going to the University of Lagos health centre where I hope to be treated.

Please ensure that you let me know as soon as you hear from Holland and I will try and contact the barrister as regards my experience this morning. Please note that if you do not hear from me today, it may be due to the fact I have gone to see a doctor.

Your friend,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I'll get back to that Dutch chap right now

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 09:46:26

Dear Bello,

I have to say, I was devasted to hear about what happened to you on the bus this morning. You poor man. You have my sympathy, my friend. I hope you're not too badly hurt.

Mind you, that's what comes of travelling on public transport if you ask me. I gave up using buses years ago after I had a similarly traumatic experience. I was sitting in my seat, minding my own business, when this woman walked down the aisle to get off the bus and caught me on the leg with the tip of her umbrella. It give me quite a nasty bruise which lasted for quite a few days, and do you know what? She didn't even have the good grace to apologise. I don't know. There's just nothing you can do with some people.

Anyway, after that experience I haven't set foot on a bus since, and I'd advise you to do the same. What the blazes did you sell your car for? You don't want to be travelling around on buses, Bello.

Anyway, enough of this idle banter. Back to business.

If Barrister Charles thinks that what the finance house is asking for is "very reasonable" then he's even more of a cloth-headed nitwit than I thought. Seven thousand pounds is not a reasonable amount to ask for a simple telegraphic transfer, which is what these people have been asked to do.

I've heard what the Dutch are like, Bello. Amsterdam's a bit too free and easy for my liking. Drugs and loose women, that's the problem they've got over there. They're all drug addicts, Bello, you take it from me. This Perry Newton chap is probably sitting in his office right now stoned off his face. He probably doesn't even know what day it is. If you ask me, he's probably inflated his bill on purpose so that he can afford to buy himself his next fix of heroin and pay for the services of a nubile young prostitute whose white, milky thighs he's planning to snort cocaine off in some dingy little crack den before having his way with her in the most disgusting manner imaginable.

I know these things, Bello: I've read about it in the papers. Believe me, with the amount of drugs the Dutch manage to shovel up their noses, you can't trust them an inch.

But don't worry, Bello. Leave everything to me. I'll get back to that Dutch chap right now and sort things out. I'm sure he'll see sense and come up with a more reasonable figure when he sees that he's not dealing with some wet behind the ears pushover.

I'll get back to you as soon as there's any news.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I didn't know you were writing a book. What kind of book is it? A thriller? A historical novel? Chick-lit? Do let me know. If you want anyone to critique your first draft, I'm your man.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Very funny. Now tell me how much the fee really is

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 09:58:08

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for the email you sent to me at the end of last week. I must say, it did make me laugh. Ten and a half thousand euros, simply for carrying out a telegraphic transfer of funds?

Let me tell you, Mr Newton, I've carried out a number of telegraphic transfers before so I know full well what they cost. It's obvious to me that you're having a little joke at my expense.

Well ha ha. Very funny. I like a man with a sense of humour.

Now that you've had your little joke, let's get back to the business in hand. Kindly get back to me by return and tell me how much the fee really is so that we can start to make arrangements for the transfer of the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Very funny. Now tell me what the real fee is

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 14:33:29 +0200

Thank you very much for your message. I do not have time to make joke with my work. I have told you what you are required to come down to Amsterdam with. Please make arrangement and keep us informed.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: How can you possibly justify charging over 10,000 euros for a simple fund transfer?

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 14:29:30

Mr Newton,

As I told you in my last email, I have carried out a number of telegraphic transfers before, using a variety of banks from a number of different countries, so I am well aware of how much it costs to transfer funds in this manner - which is all that you are required to do.

Regardless of the amount involved, on no occasion has the cost of the transfer exceeded forty pounds. That, to save you getting out your calculator, works out at about fifty-nine euros.

How then, Mr Newton, can you possibly justify charging over ten thousand euros for a simple fund transfer? Please let me know: I would be fascinated to hear your explanation.

I am not a fool, Mr Newton, so please do not treat me like one. Get back to me with a reasonable fee and we are in business.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How can you possibly justify charging over 10,000 euros for a simple fund transfer?

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 16:14:14 +0200

Thank you very much for your message. You do not seem to understand our policy here. The fee is not only for the transfer charges but for the Netherlands government tax, administrative and handling charges. I am happy that you are aware of the volume of money involved here.

Please reason like a gentleman and make arrangement and come down to sign the necessary release documents.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Kindly send me a detailed breakdown of the 10,500 euro fee

Sent: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 16:23:18

Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. On the contrary, I think I understand your policy all too well.

You say that the 10,500 euros covers other fees as well as the cost of the telegraphic transfer. Very well then. Kindly send me a detailed breakdown of the 10,500 euro fee you are charging so that I can see precisely how you have arrived at that amount. Once I have received a detailed breakdown of the figures from you I will be able to see for myself how you claim to be able to justify charging what seems at first glance to be an outrageously high fee.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: How did it go at the health centre?

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 08:52:11

Dear Bello,

How did it go at the health centre yesterday, my friend? Did they manage to patch you up after those two men beat you off in the back of that bus yesterday?

Thinking about it, I'm sure I read something in the local paper about something similar happening over here not so long ago. I can't remember the details exactly, but there was definitely a story about the police being called after some men were caught blowing each other on the back seats of a bus. It's a dangerous world out there, my friend. You've got to be on the lookout for criminals all the time, that's what I reckon.

Still, look on the bright side, Bello. Alright, the robber might have got out his weapon, but at least he didn't use it. Imagine what could have happened if he had done, my friend. He could have forced you to take his weapon into your mouth and shot his load right down the back of your throat. That wouldn't have been at all pleasant now, would it? See, things could have been a lot worse.

Anyway, back to business. I've been back in touch with this Perry Newton fella and asked him for a detailed breakdown of the unusually large fees he's charging. Hopefully he'll get back to me sometime today.

In the meantime, take my advice, Bello. Go out today and buy yourself another car so that you won't have to travel around on public transport any more. A man like you needs a car, for God's sake. I've got three myself: the Range Rover for work on the farm, the Jaguar for long distance journeys with the family and the classic 1960s Alfa Romeo Spider for pottering around the country lanes with the roof down on a nice sunny day. Trust me, Bello, you need a car. Go out and buy yourself one without any further delay.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Charles Mukolu

To: Gilbert Murray; Cc: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I HAVE ALSO FORWARDED THIS MAIL TO MR BELLO MUHAMEED

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:33:27 -0400 (EDT)

ATTN: GILBERT/BELLO MUHAMEED,

BASED ON THE RECENT DEVELOPMENTS, I WOULD LIKE TO FIND OUT FROM YOU & MR BELLO MUHAMEED YOUR DECISION AND FINAL CONCLUSION TO ENABLE THE SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF YOUR PROJECT BECAUSE I WAS AT THE BANK YESTERDAY IN RESPECT TO YOUR FUND AND I WAS MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISED ACCORDINGLY AND FAILURE TO COMPLY AS INSTRUCTED BY THE SECURITY COMPANY IN HOLLAND WILL LEAD TO YOUR LATE UNCLE FUND BEING TRANSFERRED BACK TO NIGERIA, ALSO NOTE THAT ONCE THE FUND GET BACK HERE, THE GOVERNMENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA WILL OUTRIGHTLY ACQUIRE THIS MONEY, I CAN'T BE IN SUSPENSE AND DISTURBED ALL THIS WHILE AND LATER SEE THIS COLLABORATION BEING JEOPARDISED DUE TO OUR DELAYS AND CARELESSNESS.

I ADVISE YOU TO CONTACT MR PERRY NEWTON AND RESOLVE TO A FINAL SOLUTION FOR THE SETTLEMENT OF YOUR CHARGES SO AS TO ENABLE YOU TO HAVE YOUR MONEY.

REGARDS,

BARRISTER CHARLES MUKOLU

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I AM OK NOW

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 10:53:18 +0200

Dear Gilbert,

How are you today? I hope this mail meets you in good health. I am at least OK after the experience I had yesterday. I have incidented the case with the police. Thank you for your love and concern.

However I want you to know that this is not the time for me to talk about having a car.

When I first mooted the idea of this transaction and I did contact you, I knew you have the knowledge, sensitivity, the capital and business experience to help achieve our desire goal in terms of this monetary transfer.

My pitfall is my inability to finance this project alone. This is a project that will create value for us, our family and other people around us but this can only be achieved with both parties' disciplined effort to make some sacrifice that will go a long way to help us. If only you can give me your sympathetic ear matched alongside your expertise and knowledge things will be OK.

Barrister Charles informed me that you have been contacted by the security company. Let us try to restore some rationality to this project. Please I honestly need your help in this project, endeavour to get back to the security company to enable us to know how we will receive our fund.

I called up Barrister Charles to find out why the security company cannot deduct the money from the fund available to them, after receiving a mail from him which I know that he must have copied you also, but his response was that this is how the security firm operates and it's important that we comply with their directives to enable us to receive our fund.

You have constantly shown to me that you are willing to assist in this transaction. I am relying on all the skills and resources within your disposal and you have consistently shown in your neurological pathway that you can make things possible for us.

I await your response,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Glad to hear you're OK

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 10:19:33

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. Glad to hear you're OK.

About this transaction, don't worry about a thing. I'm just waiting for a detailed breakdown of the fees from Perry Newton then it's all systems go, so no need for you to get all hot and bothered about it.

You probably need some rest after what happened to you yesterday. Don't worry, my friend. Leave it up to me.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Charles Mukolu; Cc: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Everything is in hand

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 10:22:47

Mr Mukolu,

Regarding the email you have just sent me, don't be so damn impatient. I am in contact with Mr Newton and we are currently in the process of sorting everything out and making arrangements for the transfer of the money, so hold your horses.

I don't know if you're aware, but my friend and associate Mr Muhameed is not in a very good state at the moment. He told me yesterday that he was accosted by two burly men in the back of a bus who beat him off extremely roughly. Let me tell you, it's goings-on like this that resulted in the closure of the gents' public toilets in town last year. Anyway, with this in mind, please bear with Mr Muhameed as he recovers from his experience, and don't put too much pressure on the man.

Incidentally, I was glad to see that you finally seem to be admitting responsibility for the "delays and carelessness" that you've introduced into this transaction. If only you'd have been able to provide us with a usable memorandum of understanding in the first place, we could have saved weeks of faffing around. You've been nothing but a hindrance in this transaction, Mr Mukolu, and it's at least good to see that you're starting to accept that fact.

Gilbert Murray

PS. Have you heard of the concept of writing in sentences? It makes things much easier to read. Here's a tip: try using a couple of judiciously-placed full-stops in your next email.

From: Mary Stephens

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WE SHALL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:08:06 -0700 (PDT)

Attention: Gilbert A Murray,

We acknowledge the receipt of your mail.

However, your advice is noted, but we have not experienced any problem with Barrister Charles, the barrister was with the top echelon of the bank yesterday and he has been adequately informed of your late uncle's fund.

Report reaching us from Mr Perry Newton question your genuineness as the beneficiary of the fund because your conduct as exemplified by the mail sent to Mr Newton is rather primitive, you have not taken into consideration certain operation/logistic aspects of this transaction.

You have constantly encountered an unsettled development as regard this claim, before now it was the issue of interest on your late uncle fund and now you are asking the correspondence bank to give you a breakdown.

Be informed that we shall not be held liable for any negligence on your part to receiving your late uncle's fund, should you need some clarification of certain regulatory requirement I have instructed you to call Dr Abubakar.

Regards,

Mary Stephens, on behalf of Dr Abubakar

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mary Stephens; Cc: Perry Newton

Subject: I have indeed asked Mr Newton for a breakdown of the fees he is charging

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 12:28:05

Dear Ms Stephens,

Thanks for your email. You say you haven't experienced any problems with Mr Mukolu? Then you should count yourself very lucky indeed. The man's been nothing but a barrier to progress right from the word go in this transaction. Having been witness to the scale of his incompetence at first hand over the past few weeks, I would rather place my legal affairs in the hands of a dead dog in a wig than ask Mr Mukolu to act on my behalf in the future. Perhaps you have been fortunate enough to work with Mr Mukolu early on in the day, before he has a chance to get stuck into the bottle.

Anyway, I don't want to waste my time talking about the inept Mr Mukolu. There is business to be done. I have indeed asked Mr Newton to provide me with a detailed breakdown of the fee he is attempting to charge me. Nobody in their right mind would pay a fee of that size upfront without first knowing precisely how the total figure had been arrived at. I pay an accountant to go through my books at the end of each financial year, and if I was unable to justify a payment of 10,500 euros he would do his nut.

I don't know why Mr Newton is delaying things. Why is he wasting his time going whining to you, when he could be spending his time more productively by preparing a breakdown of the figures for me?

I am waiting to hear from Mr Newton. Once I have received the breakdown of figures from him, we will be in a position to proceed.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Mary Stephens

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MARY STEPHENS

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 07:08:54 -0700 (PDT)

Attention: Gilbert A Murray,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail, instruction has been given to Mr Newton to give you the breakdown.

Please confirm to Mr Perry Newton in written your consent as to when you will arrive in Holland to proceed with the arrangement of completing all the necessary formalities attached to release of your fund.

Mary Stephens

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have indeed asked Mr Newton for a breakdown of the fees he is charging

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 15:34:53 +0200

Thank you very much for your message. I am surprised at your choice of words. You should be polite when dealing with an officer like me.

The breakdown is as follows:

Administrative: 4,500 euros

Netherlands tax: 4,000 euros

Handling and cost of transfer: 2,000 euros

TOTAL: 10,500 euros

Please make arrangement and let us know when you are coming down.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: TAKE IT EASY WITH THE BARRISTER

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:51:36 +0200

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response, and I got the mail you sent to the barrister also.

Please let us avoid this direct attack on each other, please learn to take it easy with the barrister, you told me I should not worry in your last mail, your relationship with the barrister is not cordial enough and this is giving me serious concern.

Finally, reconcile with the security company to enable us to receive this fund.

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Now we are getting somewhere

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:18:38

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email and for sending me the initial breakdown of your fee. I have a few queries.

Firstly, you list 4,000 euros as "Netherlands tax". Unfortunately, this isn't enough detail for my accountant - or for me, for that matter. Which tax are we dealing with here? Inheritance tax? Capital gains tax? A combination of the two? Or is this some other Dutch tax that I know nothing about? I need you to clarify precisely which tax(es) you're referring to here and to state the rates at which they are being levied. My accountant will accept nothing less.

Secondly, you list 4,500 euros as "administrative" and 2,000 euros as "handling and cost of transfer". Tell me, Mr Newton, how exactly does an "administrative" fee differ from a "handling" fee? In my book they're one and the same thing. If that's not the case in this instance, I need to know precisely what each charge covers, because I don't mind telling you that a total of 6,500 euros for administrative and handling charges sounds pretty damn steep to me. All you've got to do is to transfer some money into my damn bank account, for God's sake.

Incidentally, you said in your last email that you were surprised at my choice of words and implied that you thought I was being impolite in my dealings with you. Please be assured that it's never been my intention to be rude. I can only assume that you've mistaken my brisk, businesslike approach for discourtesy. If this is in any way my fault, then I apologise. And there was me thinking that it was you who was being rude to me. Perceptions are a funny old thing, aren't they?

Well, now we've got that cleared up, hopefully we can move things forward in a workmanlike manner. Get back to me as soon as you can with answers to my queries so that we can begin to make concrete arrangements for finalising everything.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Don't worry; everything's under control

Sent: Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:29:03

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. Don't worry about a thing, Bello; everything's under control.

Discussions with that Dutch chap are ongoing, and I'm sure that we'll reach agreement in the very near future. The fella's attempting to overcharge me by an outrageous degree, but I'm a reasonable man and I'm sure we'll be able to come to some arrangement.

As regards Mr Mukolu, cast any worries out of your mind, my friend. The reason that my relationship with Mr Mukolu is "not cordial" - as you put it - is simply because the man is nothing but an arse. But that doesn't matter. Surely he's got nothing to do with this transaction any more? He's played his part... very badly, it has to be said, but he's played it. Surely he can bow out now and leave the final details to you and I?

I'll get back to you tomorrow with a progress update. Watch out for large men on buses now, won't you my friend?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I've had a thought

Sent: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 09:44:48

Dear Bello,

I've had a thought. You say you're without a car at the moment? Well I've just remembered that I haven't got three cars; I've actually got four. I'd forgotten about one of them and I don't really need it, so I was wondering if it'd be any use to you.

It's an old lime green Lada that one of my farmhands used to use up until about six years ago when the head gasket went. When that happened he just dumped it at the edge of one of my fields, and ever since then I've been keeping chickens in it.

I know it's nothing fancy, but if you're interested I could turf out the chickens and get one of my farmhands to give it a wipe down with a damp cloth for you, then we could have a look at it when you travel over here at the end of this transaction.

I don't reckon it'd need much work doing on it to get it roadworthy again. Obviously it needs a new head gasket, but apart from that I reckon you'd get away with putting in a new set of plugs and points and changing the oil and filters. Oh, it could probably do with four new tyres too... and the bodywork's a bit ropey in places... and the chickens won't have done many favours for the interior... but I reckon it's basically a sound car. OK, it might not pass an MOT test over here, but I reckon if you shipped it over to West Africa and gave it a bit of a buff and polish, it'd cut quite a dash on the roads of Nigeria. Anything's better than using the bus, especially after what happened to you the other day.

What do you reckon, my friend? Shall I find a new home for the chickens and drag the Lada out of the ditch with my tractor for you? Let me know.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AM WORRIED

Sent: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 12:11:47

Dear Gilbert,

How are you today? I am a bit OK now. Thank you for the thought of wanting to refurbish a car for me, you are indeed a very kind man. I will see the car when I come over and decide then.

Kindly get back to me now as regard the people in Holland.

Your friend,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I'm still waiting for a detailed breakdown of the figures from Mr Newton

Sent: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 12:15:29

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. Good to hear you're interested in my old Lada. I'll get one of my men to drag it out of the ditch later this week when the ground's dried out a bit: we've had quite a bit of rain over the past week and the top field's a bit boggy at the moment.

I nipped out to take a look at the old banger after I sent you that last email. I just hope you're handy with a spanner and an oily rag. By the look of things, you're going to need to be.

Now then, to business. I'm still waiting for a detailed breakdown of the figures from that Newton chap in Holland. He sent me a vague breakdown yesterday but there wasn't nearly enough information to satisfy my accountant when he looks through the books at the end of the year, and he seems to be charging us far too much for administration and handling charges, so I've demanded a full justification of the fees.

Don't you worry, Bello. Nobody makes a monkey out of me. I'm sure we'll manage to get these figures sorted with Newton, just as soon as the man gets back to me.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: What's the reason for this delay?

Sent: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 14:47:19

Dear Mr Newton,

What's the reason for the delay in getting back to me with responses to my queries?

I have asked you two perfectly simple and straightforward questions. These issues need sorting out before we can make arrangements for me to come over and collect my late uncle's money.

This business has dragged on for long enough already. The last thing we need is for more delays to be introduced at your end. I would therefore appreciate it if you could get back to me by return with answers to my queries.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Now we are getting somewhere

Sent: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 18:05:14 +0200

Thank you very much for your message. Please be informed that the tax we are talking about here is the capital gain tax. You are aware that any fund passing through a country to another must be taxed hence the need for the Netherlands government tax.

You are right to some extent when you say that the administrative charges and handling charges are the same but with the nature of this transfer, the administrative charges here is different from the handling charges from its source till it gets to its final destination hence the handling charges is grouped with the cost of transfer.

You are not unaware of the volume of money involved in this transaction as well as the sensitive nature of the transaction. We are extraordinarily cautious as we do not want anything to jeopardise the existence of these funds.

Please I therefore urge you to finalise arrangement and come down to Amsterdam to lay claims to your funds. For further clarification, call me on my direct line 0031-642229128.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Let's come to an agreement on these fees

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 09:25:32

Dear Mr Newton,

I'm a plain speaking man: the type of man who like to call a spade a sturdy hand shovel that can be pushed into the earth with the foot. So I'm going to speak plainly in this email.

Right then, these fees. There's obviously nothing we can do about the government tax of 4,000 euros. Who was it said that "in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes"? Well, whoever it was, it doesn't matter. I'm obviously going to have to pay that.

What I have a problem with is these "administrative and handling charges". To be perfectly frank Mr Newton, your attempt to justify these charges was laughable. It made no sense whatsoever. It's as plain to me as the nose on my face that you're attempting to levy charges on the old "charge as much as you think you can get away with" principle.

Mr Newton, I've told you before that I'm no fool. I didn't get to be the twenty-seventh largest producer of cabbages in Lincolnshire by being a fool. It is obvious to me that your charges are unreasonable, unjustified and inflated, and it'd be completely pointless for you to try and argue otherwise. I'm perfectly willing to pay you a reasonable amount of money for your trouble, but the amount you're requesting - 10,500 euros - is far from reasonable.

So, now we both know where we stand, I suggest that we come to an agreement on the fees. A compromise, if you like.

Here's my suggestion. I am willing to pay you the total sum of 6,000 euros. That's the 4,000 euros government tax, plus 2,000 euros to cover the cost of the transfer and your "administrative and handling charges". If you ask me, I'm actually being extremely generous to you here.

This is my one and only offer, Mr Newton. I am not open to negotiation on this matter. I will not be making a higher offer. I am willing to pay you 6,000 euros, but not a penny more.

What do you reckon, Mr Newton? Are you in agreement? The way I see things, this is the only way we're going to be able to move forward here. Get back to me with your answer as soon as you can.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME AND LET CONCLUDE NOW

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 10:30:39 +0200

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response. I want you to know that this one transaction that inspires me and I simply want you to see the goal that we are bound to achieve, because being successful or having failure begins with belief, if you believe you can do something then just do it, and if you believe you cannot do something then let it be.

There's no doubt that you have constantly shown to me that you are willing to assist me in this transaction and I appreciate your skill and unalloyed commitment so far in this transaction.

I was made to understand by the barrister and I want you to know that I work with the bank also, once a fee has been given, there's no how the financial institution will want to reduce the fee, so what I am saying is that we should try and comply with the directives of the security company in Holland. Let me know how much you can raise to enable me to source for some fund on my own so that we can conclude with them without any further delay. The burden of paying the administrative fee and other charges should not be left to you alone.

I am equally at this stage requesting that you send me a letter of invitation to enable me to secure a visa to join you as soon as the fund is in your custody.

Please get back to me immediately,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Good news

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 09:54:20

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email and for your kind words about me. Much appreciated, my friend.

Anyway, I have good news for you, my friend. I hear what you say about these fees, but you needn't worry. I reckon I'm close to coming to an agreement with this Newton chap over the matter of the fees he's attempting to charge me. We're in the middle of negotiations right now, and with any luck we'll have come to an arrangement by the end of the day.

More good news. The weather's particularly good today, so I've asked one of my farmhands to drag that old Lada out of the ditch this morning. I'll take a photo of the thing and send it on to you as soon as he's pulled it out of the field and given it a wipe down: you must be dying to see it.

I had another thought. You're without a car right now, so rather than wait until you come over to this country to give the car to you, I thought I'd ship it over to you this weekend. We're going down to Bristol tomorrow for a long weekend to see the wife's brother, you see, and she tells me that his best friend is a shipping agent down at the docks. So I'm going to stick the Lada onto a trailer, tow it down to Bristol and ask my brother in law's friend to put it on the first ship that's bound for Nigeria. It wouldn't be any trouble. It's the least I can do for you really, given all you've done for me with this business proposal of yours.

So Bello, all I need from you is your home address so I can pass it onto the shipping company. Send it to me return, there's a good fella.

Come to think of it, I'll need your address for this letter of invitation you want me to write too. I've never written one of them before, Bello. What should it say? I could do with some advice on what to write in it.

Get back to me as soon as you can with your address and some advice on what to put in this letter.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MY ADDRESS

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 13:42:20 +0200

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response. Please reconcile with Holland and get back to me. Let us leave the issue of the car alone for the meantime, when I come over to the United Kingdom to meet with you I will make up my mind if I want the car or not. I am not really bothered about not having a car for now, it's a challenge I have to face, so I am not really complaining.

However, the invitation letter should be addressed to the British High Commission, Walter Carrington Way, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria.

The invitation should be formal, stating that Mr Gilbert A Murray is inviting Mr Bello Muhameed to the United Kingdom on a short visit and that the embassy should endeavour to give me the necessary assistance to enable me to visit the UK.

Finally my residential home address is 7 Odunlami Street, Off Bajulaiye Road, Shomolu, Lagos.

Please endeavour to get back to me immediately as regard your conclusion with the Holland chap.

Your humble friend,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Who do I need to send the letter to?

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 14:44:49

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your address. I have to admit though, I'm a bit confused about who I need to send the letter of invitation to. Do I need to address it to you and send it to you at your home address, or do I need to address it to the British High Commission? And if I need to send it to the British High Commission, do you know the name of the person I need to address it to? Please advise.

Now then, about this car. It's all very well you saying that you're not really bothered about having a car right now, but just look at what happened to you earlier this week when you took the bus: you were held up at gunpoint, for God's sake! That would never have happened if you'd have been driving along in a car. If you ask me, Bello, you need a car sooner rather than later.

I'll bet I know what it is: I'll bet you're feeling a bit embarrassed at the fact that I'm giving you a car. That'll be it. Well don't be embarrassed, my friend; there really is no need to be.

I imagine you're worried that people will think that you're less of a man, because you can't afford to buy a car yourself and because you allowed yourself to be beaten up and robbed on that bus the other day. I imagine you're worried that people will think less of you because you've had to rely on the good charity of someone else to give you a car. Well don't think like that, Bello. That's certainly not the way I see you. And even if I did, I'd certainly never say it to your face.

Please, my friend, put your pride to one side and accept the car that I'm giving to you in the spirit in which it is intended. It's a gift, Bello, from one friend to another, with no strings attached. And on top of that, it's my way of thanking you for introducing me to this lucrative transaction. Giving you this car really is the least I can do.

Listen Bello, I'm giving you the car and that's all there is to it. It's already on the back of the trailer, which is hitched up to my Range Rover ready to be taken down to Bristol docks tomorrow. Now let's hear no more about it.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Still no news from Mr Newton, but don't worry. I'm sure everything will turn out fine as far as that's concerned.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I forgot to attach a picture of the car

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 14:46:33

Dear Bello,

Sorry, my friend. I forgot to attach a picture of the car to my last email. Here it is.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Let's come to an agreement on these fees

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 16:58:03 +0200

Thank you very much for your funny and unique message. Please be informed that I am just an individual in this company and do not make decision alone.

I am not directly in account section but I gave you the information they have in the accounts department even more in depth.

I have presented your case to the management and hopefully there will definitely be a result first thing tomorrow morning. In any case, I urge you to continue to make arrangement to come down to Amsterdam while waiting for the outcome.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Let's hope your management sees sense

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 16:16:21

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. I have to say, I don't see what you found so "funny" about the last email I sent to you. I've just read through it again and I can't see anything remotely "funny" about it.

So, you've passed this issue onto your management, have you? Very well then. I will wait for their decision. As I told you in my last email, my offer of 6,000 euros is absolutely final, so let's hope your management sees sense and accepts it.

For your information, I'm going away tomorrow morning for a long weekend, so I won't be available from the end of today until Monday morning. Hopefully by then you'll have got back to me with some good news.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: An update

Sent: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 16:56:38

Dear Bello,

I've just heard back from that Newton chap in Holland. He says he'll get back to me tomorrow morning with a definite answer to the offer I put to him.

I'll be towing your car down to Bristol tomorrow morning, so I won't know the outcome of this until I get back from my weekend away. No matter, I'll let you know what happens first thing on Monday morning.

Have a good weekend, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: IS OKAY

Sent: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 14:11:13

Dear Gilbert,

Thank for your mail response, but am not entirely happy that you have not concluded with the Holland chap.

Having said this, thank you for your good intention of wanting to send me a car, but that can wait like I said. Right now I am overly concerned about this project. I will appreciate that the issue of the car should be put behind at the moment.

As regard the letter of invitation, the letter should be attention or addressed to the embassy, after which I require you to send the copy to me via email. I will endeavour to take it to the embassy on my own.

My good friend, I will continue to maintain the realistic view about this project and my watchword has always been that there's need for self respect for each other.

I await your response as soon as you come back on Monday and please do have a nice weekend.

Bello Muhameed

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Let's hope your management sees sense

Sent: Sat, 29 Oct 2005 11:58:40 +0200

Hello my friend,

I write to inform you that the management have resolved to give a waiver of two thousand euros for you after my long argument with them based on the solid points that you raised. They were very adamant about giving a waiver of 4,500 euros but they can only give 2,000 euros.

I therefore urge you to make arrangement and come down with the required amount of 8,500 euros now.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: We're close to reaching an agreement

Sent: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 09:54:30

Dear Bello,

How are you, my friend? I hope you had a good weekend and that you managed to avoid being set upon by any more ruffians on public transport.

Good news! You won't be having to scurry around on public transport for much longer. I towed the Lada down to Bristol this weekend and took it down to the docks on Saturday morning, where I left it with my brother in law. As luck would have it, there was a container ship in this weekend that's due to leave for West Africa on Wednesday, and he promised to load the car onto the ship today and send it safely on its way.

The ship is apparently making quite a few stops around the West African coast, but it's due to dock in Lagos in three or four weeks' time, so you won't have to wait very long at all for your car.

I gave my brother in law your name, address and phone number, and he's passed your details onto the shipping company. The shipping company's local Nigerian representive will get in touch with you as soon as the ship docks in Lagos, then you can make arrangements to get down to the docks and collect the car. As I'm family, my brother in law let me ship the car on a cash on delivery basis, so you'll just have to sort out the shipping costs with the agent when the ship docks. Apparently there'll also be some kind of import tax to pay, as well as some unloading fees, but my brother assures me that the total fee probably won't come to much more than around $1,100.

I'll bet you can't wait to get your hands on your new car, my friend. I'm only happy that I was able to help you out in your time of need and do you a favour. And I'll tell you something else: the top field's looking a hell of a lot better now that the old Lada's gone out of the ditch. It looks giving you the car has ended up doing us both a favour.

Now then, to business. Mr Newton's got back to me and agreed to lower his fee by 2,000 euros. I knew he would: he was obviously trying it on. But you listen to me, Bello. If he's willing to come down by 2,000 euros, I'll bet he'll be willing to come down by another 2,000 euros. So you leave it to me, my friend, and I'll get everything sorted. I'm making some very useful savings here.

I'll be back in touch once I've got more news from the Dutch security company.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. You're going to need a new back box for the Lada's exhaust: it must have fallen off the car somewhere on the motorway because it wasn't attached to the car by the time we got to Bristol. It might be worth your while ordering one in advance from a garage.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: It's 6,000 euros or nothing

Sent: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 10:06:51

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. While I'm glad to see that your management have agreed to reduce your outrageous fee, I'm afraid that they haven't agreed to reduce it by enough.

As I told you last week, I am willing to pay you 6,000 euros and not a penny more. This is a perfectly reasonable amount. 8,500 euros is still too much.

I suggest that you get back to your management immediately and make them aware of the situation, then get back to me when you have an answer. As I said last week, it's 6,000 euros or nothing. I can't make it any plainer than that.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PLEASE CONCLUDE WITH THESE PEOPLE

Sent: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 15:47:44 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response and update. I thought I told you earlier to leave the issue of the car for the meantime, I might not be able to clear this kind of vehicle due to regulation for cars exceeding more than five years.

However, it's you and I only that know that this transaction is a deal and I will not want anything that will jeopardise this transaction at this stage.

You have been advised by the security company. If you continue to address this issue like this, I am afraid that this will give room for cancellation of this transaction.

Attached in this mail is a copy of a UK application form I collected this morning. Could you please forward to me the letter of invitation that I requested for to enable me to approach the embassy?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bello Muhameed

Mr Muhameed's visa application form
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: What do you want me to do with that form?

Sent: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 15:22:42

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. I have to say, you've confused me now by sending me that visa application form. What do you want me to do with it? I can't apply for a visa for you... surely you've got to do that yourself. Or maybe you're having trouble filling it in? Do you want help with some of the questions? Is that it? Please let me know.

Now then, regarding this transaction. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times not to worry about this. I'm merely playing hardball with Mr Newton. I'm the kind of fella who never pays the price on the ticket. Everything is negotiable, Bello. As a banker, you should know that.

It was obvious to me that this Newton chap came in at the start asking for a sky-high fee. Well there was no way I was going to pay that. All I'm doing at the moment is beating him down to a more acceptable figure. He's already come down by 2,000 euros. If I can manage to bargain him down by another couple of thousand, that'll save us both a tidy sum of money, which we'll be able to spend on fine champagne to toast the successful conclusion of this transaction. So don't you worry, Bello. Just leave it to me.

And don't worry about your car, either. I imagine it'll be safely loaded onto the container ship down in Bristol now. The ship's owned by some Chinese outfit called Huang King Shipping, by the way. You'll need to know that when the ship docks. Apparently the ship - the Huang King Maiden - is bound for West Africa with a cargo of concentrated sugar syrup in her hold.

I'll tell you what, Bello, when I saw all that sugar syrup on Saturday, it made me wonder if some of my own sugarbeet had gone towards making it. I wouldn't be at all surprised. Loading was already well underway when I was down at the docks on Saturday, and there was a continuous stream of tanker drivers queuing up to offload their sticky cargo into the Huang King Maiden's gaping hold.

The ship was surrounded by busy dockers on Saturday, so I imagine they'll have finished loading her by now. The sailors are probably on board already, getting her ready to sail. I wouldn't be surprised if the decks of the Huang King Maiden were thick with seamen by now.

My brother in law promised me that he'd seal your car up tight inside its own container, to protect its bodywork from the harsh, corrosive sea air. That'll stop it from going rusty during the voyage. Well, it'll stop if from going any rustier than it already is, anyway.

I'll get back to you when I've heard back from Mr Newton. In the meantime, please relax, my friend. There's nothing to worry about. I'm on the case.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Do we have a deal or not?

Sent: Tue, 01 Nov 2005 09:58:22

Mr Newton,

I'm surprised not to have heard back from you after the email I sent to you yesterday.

I made my position crystal clear in that email. Have you put my final offer to your management, and if so, do we have a deal or not?

I'm getting sick of all these delays. None of us are getting any younger, Mr Newton. Let's come to an agreement and do the deal. What do you reckon?

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GET BACK TO ME GILBERT

Sent: Tue, 01 Nov 2005 13:22:51 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

How are you today? I sent you the form just to let you know that I have been to the embassy and I am urgently waiting for the invitation letter.

However, get back to me as regard Holland.

My warmest regards to your family,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I've not heard a peep from that Newton chap all day

Sent: Tue, 01 Nov 2005 17:31:08

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you, but I've been busy knocking up a new chicken coop for those chickens I turfed out of your old Lada the other day. Well, a new coop for the ones I didn't shoot, that is: the wife was quite keen to use a few of them in the kitchen. Naturally, as soon as she told me that I went outside and blasted five of them with my shotgun, but now she's complaining about the fact that there's buckshot in the meat and telling me that I should have wrung their necks or chopped their heads off instead. Huh. That's women for you, eh Bello?

Anyway, I've made it absolutely plain to this Newton chap that I'm willing to pay him 6,000 euros and not a penny more, but I've not heard back from him all day. The fella needs a bloody rocket up his arse if you ask me.

That's the Dutch for you. It's just like I told you, Bello. He'll be too busy rolling the biggest joint this side of the Keizersgracht to get back to me, that'll be it. Well, either that or he'll be in the arms of some thirteen year old Albanian prostitute in some flea-ridden whorehouse down some dark, damp and dingy alleyway, you mark my words.

Well, hopefully he'll have the common courtesy to respond to me tomorrow morning. Tell me, do you reckon there's any way the bank can put some pressure on the man? That'd be one way to get things moving. Let me know what you think.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Do we have a deal or not?

Sent: Tue, 01 Nov 2005 18:54:49 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. It took me time to convince the management to grant consensus to you regarding the fee. Please make arrangement and come down to Amsterdam to sign the necessary release document with the 6,000 euros.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: DELAY IS DANGEROUS

Sent: Wed, 02 Nov 2005 08:36:56 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response and thank you for all your effort.

However, note that the financial year is coming to an end, I just want you to know that it's important that we conclude once and for all. I will not want all our effort to be jeopardised at this stage, because if we do not put our hands on this private till now, the consequences will be that the finance house will at the end of the day return back the money to Nigeria.

So, delay is very dangerous, so conclude with these people in Holland immediately.

Remain blessed,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Marvellous news!

Sent: Wed, 02 Nov 2005 09:29:33

Dear Bello,

Marvellous news, my friend! I've just heard back from that Newton fella, and he's agreed to bring his fees down from 10,500 euros to just 6,000 euros! Isn't that fantastic, Bello? My hard bargaining has managed to save us a total of 4,500 euros!

I told you not to worry, didn't I? I told you I knew what I was doing. I had a good idea right from the start that this Newton chap was trying to overcharge us, and I knew he'd crack in the end. Now that we've agreed on a price, we can start to make arrangements to conclude this transaction and get our hands on James Herbert's millions. I knew things would work out in the end.

So, we've got to pay this Newton fella 6,000 euros. Now then, you told me last Thursday that you didn't want the burden of paying the fees to fall to me alone, and you offered to help out with the costs. Well I appreciate your offer my friend, and I'd like to take you up on it. I've just had to have the Jaguar serviced, you see, and what with Gilbert Jnr's school fees having gone up this year and Mrs Murray having bought a few too many hats the other week, things are a little bit tight in the money department this month.

So, what do you reckon if we split the cost down the middle Bello? I can't say fairer than that. I'll pay 3,000 euros and you pay 3,000 euros.

I trust that'll be OK with you, my friend. Now then, presuming that it is, how do you want to get the money to me? Do you want to transfer it straight into my bank account, or would you rather transfer it to me direct via MoneyGram or something like that? I'll leave it up to you. I think MoneyGram would be quicker though, and as you've pointed out so many times, "DELAY IS DANGEROUS".

Get back to me as soon as you can my friend, so that I can make arrangements to travel over to Amsterdam and pick up this money. We'll be toasting our success with champagne in no time at all now Bello, you mark my words.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. The Huang King Maiden sails today for West Africa, with your new car safely on board. Have you ordered that new exhaust yet?

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: We have a deal

Sent: Wed, 02 Nov 2005 09:46:39

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. I'm pleased to see that your management have seen sense and have agreed to reduce your fees down to a reasonable level.

I'd like to thank you personally for the efforts you've obviously made in bringing them round to my point of view. There'll be a drink in it for you when I travel over to Amsterdam to pick up the money. That'll be my way of saying thanks.

Please bear with me while I make arrangements to get the 6,000 euros together. I'll get back to you as soon as I've rounded up the money, then we can arrange a meeting to conclude matters.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: IT'S UP TO YOU

Sent: Wed, 02 Nov 2005 10:50:36 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response, you don't appear serious at all, I have resolved to source for another partner to conclude this project with me.

If you cannot raise the 6,000 euros and travel to Holland, I will ask Barrister Charles to prepare a power of attorney for the change of beneficiary.

I await your response,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Frankly Bello, I'm offended

Sent: Wed, 02 Nov 2005 10:39:32

Dear Bello,

I have just read your astonishing email. Frankly Bello, I'm offended.

To what do I owe this unjustifiably rude email? I have been bending over backwards here to conclude this transaction as quickly as possible. I've also been doing my utmost to save us some money by getting the security company to reduce its fees... and I've succeeded in doing so, for God's sake.

And I have only asked you to help me out with the remaining fees - which, thanks to my dogged persistence and hard bargaining skills are a damn sight lower than they were originally - because you specifically offered to help me pay them.

To quote verbatim from an email you sent to me last Thursday:

"... what I am saying is that we should try and comply with the directives of the security company in Holland. Let me know how much you can raise to enable me to source for some fund on my own so that we can conclude with them without any further delay. The burden of paying the administrative fee and other charges should not be left to you alone..."

I have managed to save us 4,500 euros, Bello, and now you're talking about getting someone else to help you to conclude this transaction. Are you mad? After all we've been through, after all the efforts we've made over the past couple of months... to give up now, when we're so close to a successful conclusion would be nothing short of lunacy.

We have made an agreement, Bello: do you not remember that memorandum of understanding that Mr Mukolu sweated long and hard over? You can't break such an agreement just like that, for no good reason.

And have you forgotten all that I've done for you, Bello? I've given you a car, for God's sake! It's not everyone who would be so damn generous to a friend in need. And I'm about to write you a letter of invitation to enable you to visit the UK.

I just don't understand your change in attitude. It makes no sense to me at all. Here we are, on the verge of me travelling to Holland to conclude everything, and now you're talking about pulling out of the whole deal.

I think you owe me an explanation, Bello. I expect to receive one by return. And while you're at it, I think an apology is in order too. You've offended me, Bello. I thought we were not just business partners, but friends. This isn't how friends treat each other.

I'm hurt. I really am.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: What days would be good for you?

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:38:22

Dear Mr Newton,

I've now managed to get together the 6,000 euros that we agreed on for your fee, so I'm ready to make arrangements to travel to Amsterdam and conclude this deal. I was hoping that my business partner would be willing to help me out with raising the cash as he'd promised to do, but unfortunately he seems to have changed his mind, so I've had to raise the whole amount myself.

So, what days would be good for you? How about I give you a few possible dates and you let me know which would be OK?

I could travel over to Amsterdam on Monday 7th November, Wednesday 8th November or Thursday 10th November. Would any of those dates be OK with you? Please let me know.

Please also let me know what the agenda for the day will be. I'll be looking to get an early flight into Amsterdam, and I think you mentioned that one of your men would be able to meet me at the airport. What would be the format for the rest of the day, and what sort of time should I look to book a flight home? Late afternoon? Evening? Please advise.

Please also advise what documents I'll need to bring with me.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Fwd: What days would be good for you?

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:40:47

Mr Muhameed,

As you'll see from the attached email that I've just sent to that Newton chap, I've managed to come up with the 6,000 euros myself. There. Are you happy now?

I don't appreciate the way you addressed me yesterday. I also don't appreciate you offering to help me out with the fees and then crying like a spoiled baby when I take you up on the offer. This isn't the way business partners deal with each other.

I'm still waiting for an apology from you. Bear in mind that the $20 million is going to be transferred directly into my bank account. If I were you, I'd be a bit more polite.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: What days would be good for you?

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 12:21:34 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. Monday the 7th day of November will be alright. Please note that you are to send us your detailed flight itinerary to enable our protocol officer to meet with you and bring you straight to our office to sign the necessary release document. The entire exercise will take about three hours to be concluded.

You are to come down with a copy of any document relating to this transaction as well as your valid identification proof.

I await your travelling details and I look forward to seeing you in Amsterdam.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: YES whatever you decide would be good for you?

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 12:22:39 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response. There's nowhere in the content of this mail that clearly indicates that I was rude, what I said was that you don't appear serious to conclude this project with me and I have resolved to source for another partner.

You have not taken into consideration that I have spent so much money to see this project to this stage. If you are not ready to make any commitment, I will look for someone else, because you are wittingly and unwittingly leaving the impression that there's a lot of ingenuity in this transaction.

I am not going to apologise whatsoever, because you have delayed this project enough.

So whatever you decide, it's up to you. The barrister collaborated so much from the outset that you don't appear serious.

Regards,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Monday it is then

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 11:58:46

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. Monday it is then. I'll book myself a flight and get back to you with the details.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I'd advise you to watch your mouth

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 11:59:32

Mr Muhameed,

If you don't realise that you've been rude, then to be frank you need help. Telling me that you think I'm not serious and suggesting that after all the time and effort I've put into this transaction you're going to search for another business partner is extremely rude.

You've been going on about the delays we've experienced. None of these delays have been down to me; they've all been down to that cack-handed clown you decided to employ, Mr Mukolu. I resent your implication that it's me who's been delaying things.

Anyway, I'm making arrangements right now to travel over to Amsterdam on Monday to see Mr Newton and finalise things, so we're almost at the end of this transaction. If you still want me to write you a letter of invitation to this country, I'd advise you to watch your mouth. I don't take kindly to being insulted.

It's a shame that the Huang King Maiden has already sailed from Bristol docks. After the ill-mannered way you've been addressing me over the past two days, I'm starting to regret giving you that car.

Anyway, things are in progress with Mr Newton right now. That's the important thing. Come next Monday, $20 million will have been transferred into my bank account. If you want your share, I'd advise you to start addressing me with a bit more courtesy.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: My flight details

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 14:15:12

Dear Mr Newton,

I've just booked myself onto British Airways flight number BA8111 from Gatwick, which arrives in Amsterdam at 08:50 on Monday morning. Given the short notice involved, the ticket wasn't exactly cheap, but never mind. These things can't be helped.

You say you'll send your protocol officer to meet me at the airport. That's very good of you. Could you send me a picture of the man you're sending so that I don't miss him in the crowd? I know how busy airports can be, especially at that time in the morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 15:30:16 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your mail response. I made mention of your unseriousness because I told you that I went to the embassy to secure an application form and all this while you are yet to send me a letter of invitation, until your having to mention this in your last mail.

Well if you think I am ill-mannered, you cannot blame me because you already got me confused and confounded.

However I am sorry for this sudden outburst. Please send me the letter of invitation and also intimate me of your travelling arrangement.

Your humble friend,

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Apology accepted

Sent: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 15:10:07

Dear Bello,

Glad to see you've learned a little humility. Apology accepted.

Now I think I can understand why you're getting a bit agitated: we're very close now to getting our hands on a very large sum of money indeed, so it's perhaps not surprising that nerves should fray and tempers should boil over. But that's still no excuse for turning on your business partner, Bello. I've stood by you through thick and thin throughout the course of this transaction, and I'd be grateful if you'd try and do the same for me. We need to work together here.

Now then, I've booked myself onto a flight that gets into Amsterdam early on Monday morning. I've passed my flight details onto that Newton fella and he's very kindly offered to send his protocol officer to meet me at the airport.

According to Newton, the whole thing shouldn't take more than three hours when I arrive on Monday, and after that we'll be home and dry... and millionnaires to boot.

So calm yourself down, Bello. Everything's under control. In four days time we'll both be as rich as Cresus. I'll be able to buy myself a new tractor, you'll be able to buy a new exhaust for that Lada, and Mr Mukolu will be able to buy himself a dictionary. God knows he needs one.

I'll see what I can do about this letter of invitation this weekend, Bello. I'll see if I can stick it in the post to you before I leave for Amsterdam on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: My flight details

Sent: Fri, 04 Nov 2005 13:08:28 +0100

Thank you very much for your message and the detailed travelling itinerary.

Please be informed that the protocol officer will be at the airport to meet with you and bring you to the office. Give me a brief description of yourself as well as your dress mode for easy identification.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: How will I recognise your protocol officer?

Sent: Fri, 04 Nov 2005 15:10:47

Dear Mr Newton,

I'm 53 years old. I'm about five foot ten inches tall, with dark hair and a moustache. I'll be wearing a dark suit and carrying a black briefcase.

Now then, how will I recognise your protocol officer? Please send me a photo of the chap by return, or at least send me a description of him and tell me what he'll be wearing. It might also help if he holds up a sign with my name printed on it.

Send me a description so that I can look out for the man when I arrive in Amsterdam. I look forward to meeting you on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: How will I recognise your protocol officer?

Sent: Fri, 04 Nov 2005 20:18:41 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. I am convinced that with your description, our protocol officer will not miss you.

I cannot send the photograph of the officer because I will not know which of them will be assigned to pick you up on Monday. Our company is quite a busy one and the three protocol officers are always busy throughout the day. But they are used to the procedure and whichever of them will not miss you at the airport.

Do you have a mobile phone number that you will be with on that day? Furnish us with the number as that will be of great advantage.

I look forward to seeing you on Monday and I wish you a safe flight.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: I'll keep an eye out for your man at the airport

Sent: Sat, 05 Nov 2005 08:51:29

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. It's a shame you can't give me a description of the man I should be looking out for, but never mind. I'll look out for a man carrying a sign with my name on it in the arrivals hall once I've landed.

Unfortunately I don't have a mobile phone, so I won't be carrying one with me on Monday. I live in quite a remote area over here in Lincolnshire where there's no mobile phone reception, so it's pointless having one.

That shouldn't be a problem though. I'm sure we won't miss each other.

See you on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent information

Sent: Sat, 05 Nov 2005 19:15:12 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. To easy your meeting with our protocol officer in case you miss him/her in the crowd, please take a seat at the Burger King (fast food centre) close to arrival three at the airport.

He/she will meet you there easily.

Looking forward to our meeting in Amsterdam. Once again, safe flight.

Kind regards,

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AVAIL ME OF YOUR TRAVELLING PLAN

Sent: Sat, 05 Nov 2005 19:48:05 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

I hope this mail find you in good health, please avail me of your travelling plan and please be careful as soon as you travel to Holland.

I await your response.

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: See you tomorrow

Sent: Sun, 06 Nov 2005 12:02:55

Dear Mr Newton,

Thanks for your email. Message received and understood. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm taking my laptop with me so I'll send you a quick email as soon as I can after I land.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: I'm travelling to Amsterdam tomorrow

Sent: Sun, 06 Nov 2005 12:07:11

Dear Bello,

Thanks for your email. I've arranged to fly to Amsterdam tomorrow morning to meet up with Mr Newton and finalise things. He's sending a chap to meet me at the airport.

This is it, Bello: the moment we've been waiting for. Come tomorrow we'll be rich men!

I'm travelling down to London tonight and staying in a hotel so that I'll be able to catch my flight early in the morning. I'm taking my laptop to Holland so I'll send you a quick email as soon as I get there and let you know what's going on.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM HOLLAND

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 09:15:30 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your update and thank you for the good news, I will be waiting for your mail as soon as you get to Holland.

Have a bless day in Holland.

Bello Muhameed

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Where the hell is your protocol officer?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 09:09:37

Mr Newton,

Where the hell is your protocol officer? My flight touched down over an hour ago now and I passed through baggage reclaim and customs without incident, but I when I got through to the arrivals hall, I couldn't see anybody at all holding a sign with my name on it... and let me tell you, I had a damn good look round too.

I've been sitting here in the Cafe Rembrandt for half an hour now, and there's been no sign of your protocol officer at all. What's going on, Mr Newton? Is your man late or something? Did he have trouble getting out of bed?

I did I'd spotted your man about fifteen minutes ago, when a short, shambling smelly man in sports gear came up to me and introduced himself, but it turned out that he was just trying to sell dodgy Rolexes and knock-off perfume out of a suitcase.

Please instruct your man to get his arse into gear and get to the airport to meet me, Mr Newton. I'll remain where I am for the time being so that your man will be able to locate me when he finally arrives.

This is all very irritating, Mr Newton. Let's hope that the day improves as we go on.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where the hell is your protocol officer?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:16:02 +0100

He is at the airport now. I thought I wrote you to wait at the Burger King close to arrival three.

He will locate you now.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where the hell is your protocol officer?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:18:51 +0100

Call me from the airport please with the number 0642229128.

PERRY NEWTON

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where the hell is your protocol officer?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:32:45 +0100

Where are you? You are not in Rembrandt Cafe as you claim. I am not convinced that you are at the airport. Please do not joke with me. My officer have been in the airport since 8.50am. Call me and tell me where you are.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Where is your man, for God's sake?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 09:57:30

Mr Newton,

Where is your man, for God's sake? I've just been for another wander around the airport to look for him, but I've not seen anybody carrying a sign with my name on it.

This is getting beyond a joke, Mr Newton. How difficult can it possibly be to meet someone at an airport, for Heaven's sake?

What does this man who is allegedly looking for me look like? Maybe if you give me a good description of him and what he's wearing I'll be able to locate him.

I'm just about to go for another walk around to see if I can find him. Get back to me with his description as soon as you can.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where is your man, for God's sake?

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:57:03 +0100

Please call me so that I can let you know where he is at the moment.

Go and sit down in Burger King. He will meet you there instead of wandering about.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: There is no sign whatsoever of your man

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:28:11

Mr Newton,

I have looked all over the place for someone who might be your protocol officer - including Burger King - but I have found nobody. Seeing as you haven't even provided me with a description of the man, that's perhaps not surprising.

I have walked around this bloody airport so many times now that my feet are sore. What is going on?

I have tried calling you on a number of occasions - in fact I've used up all of my small change trying to get in touch with you - but I cannot get through to you at all. I either get what I presume to be a "number unobtainable" tone, or some unintelligible woman speaking in what I can only presume is Dutch.

I have had enough of this ridiculous carry on, Mr Newton. I have made my mind up to get myself a taxi and find my way to your office myself. I've printed off all the emails you sent me. I'm sure that your office address must be written down on one of them.

Expect to see me walking through your door soon. And you'd better have a damn good explanation for what's happened here this morning. I am not a happy man.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: There is no sign whatsoever of your man

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 11:36:22 +0100

My friend, you are making things difficult. Sit down at the Burger King there for fifteen minutes, the officer will be with you. You cannot be waiting for somebody and you are moving around. Sit down in one place my friend and do not make things difficult. He is 5 feet 3 inches tall with a black suit and red inner shirt.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: You haven't sent me your office address

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 11:37:40

Mr Newton,

Having given up on trying to locate your elusive protocol officer at the airport this morning, I did as I said and hailed a taxi, intending to go straight to your office. I asked the taxi driver to head into the centre of town while I looked for your address in my briefcase.

However, we hadn't gone far along the A4 into Amsterdam when I found to my dismay that you hadn't actually given me your office address, so I didn't know where to go. In the end, I asked the taxi driver to take me to a decent hotel: I thought I could wait in the lounge of the hotel and you could send your protocol officer there to collect me. There'll be a lot less scope for missing each other in a hotel lounge than there is in a busy airport.

So, I'm now sitting in the lounge of the NH Schiller hotel on Rembrandtplein. Kindly send your man to pick me up at once. I feel a bit uncomfortable, sitting around here with such a large amount of money in my briefcase, and I'm keen to get it off my hands and into your safekeeping as soon as possible.

Please send your protocol officer to meet me at the hotel immediately. And please ask the man to make himself known to me this time. I searched all over the arrivals hall at the airport this morning but I couldn't see head nor tail of your man. Are you sure he turned up at the right airport?

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Mr Newton's man didn't show up at the airport

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 11:41:11

Dear Bello,

Things haven't gone well over here in Amsterdam this morning. My flight touched down bang on time and I made my way out into the arrivals hall, only to find that Mr Newton's man hadn't shown up to meet me.

I looked all over the airport trying to find the man, but with no luck. Mr Newton insisted that his man was there, but I'm not so sure: if he had have been there at the airport on time I would have met him. I reckon the fella was late but didn't want to admit it to his boss or something like that.

Anyway, in the end I got myself a taxi into town, and I'm now sitting in the lounge of a hotel waiting for Mr Newton's protocol officer to come and pick me up.

Mr Newton and his team had better get their collective arses into gear, I can tell you that for nothing. I've worn myself out this morning looking around the airport for Mr Newton's man, and all in vain.

Hopefully Mr Newton's man will be here to collect me within the hour. I'll keep you up to date on what's happening a little later.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bello Muhameed

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CONTACT THEM BY PHONE

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:13:09 +0100

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your update and please be careful and what is important is to comply with the directive of the security company.

I will expect to hear from you and I will also like you to contact the officer in charge of the transaction through telephone to enable them know where you are.

I await your response.

Bello Muhameed

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: URGENT

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:21:46 +0100

Attn: Mr Gilbert,

This is to inform you that we just got your mail, and also to let you know that the protocol officer will pick you up in the next 30 minutes from now so kindly wait, and send us the hotel telephone number so the officer can call you when he got there.

Regards,

Mr Newton

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: You haven't sent me your office address

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:32:29 +0100

Tell them at the hotel reception there to help you dial my number 0642229128 so that they can give the direction of the hotel.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Directions to the hotel

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:10:28

Mr Newton,

I've just read your emails. I'm glad to hear that your protocol officer is on his way to pick me up.

Like I told you, I'm in the NH Schiller, which is on Rembrandtplein. Pieter on the desk tells me that we're just down the road from the flower market, about halfway between the Amstel and the Herengracht. I trust that means more to you than it does to me.

I look forward to finally meeting up with your protocol officer. This has been a long day already and I am tired, hungry and fed up.

I'm just going to get a bite to eat. I'll meet your man in the hotel lounge as agreed. Tell him to get a move on.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Directions to the hotel

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:19:47 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. I just called the hotel reception number 020-5540700 and they said there is nobody in the hotel lounge.

Tell the hotel receptionist to call me when you are back. My number is 0642229128.

Are you lodged in the hotel? The receptionist said the only Murray they have lodged there is O Murray and not Gilbert Murray.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Send your man to pick me up at once or you can forget about this whole business

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:44:39

Mr Newton,

I have just read your last email. I wasn't in the hotel lounge when you called because as I said in my last email, I'd just nipped up to the Brasserie Schiller for a well-overdue spot of lunch.

And no, I am not lodged in the hotel; I am merely waiting in the hotel for your protocol officer. I have no need to book myself into a hotel, because I'm flying back to England later today.

Time is running out, Mr Newton, and I have just about had enough of this ridiculous carry on. I can't help but wonder whether I've been wasting my time here.

Either you send your man to pick me up at the hotel IMMEDIATELY, or you can forget about this whole business. If your man isn't here within the next hour, I'm heading straight back to the airport and getting on the next flight back to Britain.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Send your man to pick me up at once or you can forget about this whole business

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:54:28 +0100

Just called the hotel again and was told that you are not there. Where are you? Just tell the hotel receptionist there to call me when you are with him and my officer will be with you immediately after the call. What does it take you to talk on the telephone?

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: Your protocol officer has 35 minutes to get here

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:15:33

Mr Newton,

Good God man, what is the matter with you? I have travelled all the way over here to Holland to conduct a business transaction with you. I am not here to answer to your beck and call, for heaven's sake.

I am not a guest at this hotel, I am merely using their lounge to wait for your bloody protocol officer, so the hotel staff will not make telephone calls on my behalf.

I was expecting to travel over to Amsterdam and to be greeted by a representative from a professional security company, but I've seen absolutely no evidence of any professionalism whatsoever out of you or your protocol officer up until now. In contrast, I've been met with nothing but excuses and incompetence from the moment I set foot on Dutch soil.

I told you before that if your man wasn't here within the hour, I would be heading back to the airport. He has 35 minutes left. Send him to collect me at once and let us see if we can salvage something out of this wreck of a day.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Your protocol officer has 35 minutes to get here

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 16:20:49 +0100

Thank you very much for your message. I am surprised at your local idea. If you can travel from England, you cannot make a 2 minutes call. It is a shame. You have made a mess of the whole system. You do not want to take to instruction. I am convinced that you are a practical joker. Our protocol officer is not "bloody". Watch your language mister.

Note that 35 minutes will not be enough for the process. I am fed up of your incompetence. You can go back. You are not real.

Mr Perry Newton

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: We have one last chance to conclude this transaction

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:48:21

Mr Newton,

I've just read your impertinent email. Dealing with you and your so-called "protocol officer" today has been like dealing with Laurel and Hardy. I've had enough of it, do you hear? I've spent time and money to travel over here today, only to be messed around by you and your protocol officer. I feel as if all of the time and money I've spent on this transaction has been wasted thanks to you.

I still can't understand how your protocol officer managed to miss me at the airport this morning. Are you sure the man turned up on time? If you ask me, he probably couldn't get his lazy arse out of bed in time and turned up late. I can't think of any other explanation.

Well I'm just about to get a taxi back to the airport. This is your last chance. I should be there at the airport in about three-quarters of an hour. When I've checked in I will stop off in the Cafe Rembrandt for a cup of tea and a slice of cake before going through to departures. If your so-called "protocol officer" can get to the Cafe Rembrandt in time with the documents I need to sign, there's still a chance we'll be able to conclude this business.

I'll look out for him. But I won't hold out much hope of seeing him.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed

Subject: Today has been a complete disaster

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 16:31:53

Dear Bello,

Today has been a complete disaster, my friend, thanks to that idiot Newton and his gormless goons at the so-called "security company". First of all, their so-called "protocol officer" completely failed to turn up to meet me at the airport this morning, and all I got was a series of whining excuses from that Newton chap about how his man was on his way. Well he never turned up, that's for sure.

Seeing as Newton hadn't even given me the address of his offices, I then made my way to a hotel and told Newton to send his man to pick me up there. I sat there and waited for Newton's man for hours before giving up in the end.

I've never seen such a display of incompetence in all my life, Bello. Perry Newton and the trained gibbon he calls a "protocol officer" make Mr Mukolu look like a paragon of competence. And that's saying something.

Tell me Bello, what damn fool at your bank made the decision to work in partnership with Perry Newton's security company? I've never come across such a grisly gang of bubble-brained buffoons in all my life.

As things stand now, I'm back at the airport, waiting for my return flight. Thanks to Newton and his cabal of crapulous cretins I've still got the 6,000 euros in my briefcase, and we're no nearer to getting our hands on James Herbert's millions.

What can we do, Bello? Is there any way you can get your bank to call the money back from Holland?

In fact, now I think of it, why the hell did they need to send the money all the way to Holland anyway? Why couldn't Ms Stephens and Dr Rimi just transfer the money straight into my bank account directly from Nigeria? Sending it to Holland first doesn't make any sense.

We need a new plan Bello, and we need it fast. I've wasted valuable time and money travelling over here to Holland today, and I am not a happy man. I reckon you need to pull a few strings at the bank and see what you can do about getting the money out of Newton's hands. What do you reckon?

My return flight leaves before too long, and the batteries in my laptop are giving out. Get back to me by return and we can discuss things tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: You've blown it, you moron

Sent: Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:12:39

Mr Newton,

As your so-called "protocol officer" has yet again completely failed to turn up to meet me, I can only assume that you are no longer interested in pursuing this transaction. Thanks to your crashing incompetence, you've blown it, you moron.

I don't appreciate having my time wasted by inconsiderate idiots like yourself. I'm going to board my flight, go back home to Gypping in the Marsh, and consider an alternative way to bring this transaction to a successful conclusion... one that doesn't involve handing over 6,000 euros into your grubby, grasping little hands.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bello Muhameed; Cc: Charles Mukolu

Subject: Your letter of invitation is attached

Sent: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 16:12:47

Dear Bello,

I have to say my dear fellow that I'm surprised not to have heard from you after yesterday's debacle. No doubt you're busy at the moment working out exactly how this transaction could have gone so badly wrong over the past two months after all the time and effort you and Mr Mukolu have invested in it.

Anyway, on a more positive note, you'll be pleased to hear that I've finally found time to draft that letter of invitation you were after. I've sent it off to the British High Commission and attached a copy of it to this email. Just in case you wanted to bring Mr Mukolu along with you, I've included his details in the letter of invitation too.

I do hope that the letter's suitable. Do let me know.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

Gilbert's letter of invitation
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: News

Sent: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 17:01:42

Mr Newton,

You've probably worked out by now that I didn't travel over to Amsterdam yesterday to meet up with you and allow you to steal 6,000 euros (and God only knows what else) from me, and that your "protocol officer" wasted his time chasing my ghost.

However, what you don't know is that although I didn't travel to Amsterdam yesterday, one of my associates did. While your "protocol officer" was busy searching the airport for me, little did he know that his every move was being watched by my associate.

And it didn't end at the airport. My associate - an ex-policeman, who is trained in surveillance techniques - actually tailed your "protocol officer" for the rest of the day. As a result of this, we now have a lot of information on your grubby little gang, including addresses, car registration numbers and photographs. He even tailed your "protocol officer" back to his home at the end of the working day, so we also have his home address.

You will be pleased to know that all of this information has been passed onto the Dutch police, who have expressed a definite interest in you and your associates. I do hope you like prison food, Mr Newton, because I have absolutely no doubt that you will be eating a lot of it in the very near future.

It's been nice working with you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Perry Newton

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: News

Sent: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 18:14:42 +0100

Thank you for your message. You are chasing a ghost. My officer was not at the airport. I knew you stupid plans right from the beginning.

Shame on you. You are going to rot in jail.

MR PERRY NEWTON

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Perry Newton

Subject: It's not me who's going to rot in jail

Sent: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 17:39:38

"Mr Newton",

Yes, of course you knew about my plans right from the start. That's why you wasted so much of your time negotiating with me over how much money you thought I was going to let you steal from me. That's why you sent your moronic "protocol officer" to the airport yesterday morning to meet me... and as we both know full well, he was indeed there at the airport. It was good of you to let me know what he was wearing so that my associate could double-check that he was tailing the right man.

I know it must be difficult for you, but you really must try not to be so stupid, "Mr Newton". As you well know, it's not me who's going to rot in jail; it's you.

I only hope for your own sake that you are as ugly as you are stupid, otherwise you may have to avoid bending down when you go to take a shower. They do tend to like pretty boys, from what I've heard.

Gilbert Murray