To be perfectly frank, Mr Bord, I am hurt by your implication that I would consider using your invoice for fraudulent purposes. Trust is the backbone of all business relationships, Mr Bord, and if you do not trust me, I would rather you came out and told me so now, so that I will be able to cease trading with you and find another supplier.

Years of experience have taught me that it is always best to do things by the book, and I would sooner place my John Thomas between the grinding wheels of my windmill than make a payment for goods or services without first receiving an invoice. Besides, I require an invoice in order to balance my double-entry bookkeeping. Therefore, in line with standard business and accounting practices around the world, I must insist that you send me an invoice before I make payment.

Get it to me as soon as you can, there's a good chap. The sooner you get it to me, the sooner I can pay you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: An update on the current situation

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 15:02:36

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. As requested, I am writing to keep you abreast of the current situation.

Bad news on the supplier front, I am afraid. Mr Bilton, Lord Belborough's gardener, has pulled out of our arrangement. If you remember, he was originally going to provide us with fruit to sell in our new retail outlet. Well, it appears that Mr Clamp's faction have got to him: he has received anonymous threats, saying that if he has anything to do with our business, he will have his greenhouse windows smashed, his turnips uprooted and his plums bruised. Mr Bilton is an old man, so it is not surprising that he has caved in at the first sign of pressure.

Obviously, this means that we need to find a new source of fruit for the shop. I did think of asking Farmer Jonathan Bell if he would supply us with fruit. A go-ahead farmer is Jonathan Bell, who works his farm and he works it well. He doesn't hold much with the good old days; in modern times, use modern ways. Electric, mechanical, all that is new, which does the work that men used to do, he swears by it all and he proves it too, on his modern mechanical farm.

On a more positive note, your lawyer has told me that he should be able to send me a copy of the partnership agreement in the very near future, and Mr Bord has sent me details of how to make my payment to him. As soon as I receive the invoice I have requested from him, I will be able to move forward without delay.

By the way, my friend, any news on that lost cheque of yours? I am keeping my eye on Peter Hazel the postman, but he has not shown any signs of coming into money recently. However, I will keep my eyes peeled: he may just be biding his time. Trust me, Mr Sitaram, at the first sign of a new shirt or a new pair of shoes I shall confront the man on your behalf.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Koso Arons

Subject: This is excellent news

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 15:04:21

Dear Mr Arons,

I am delighted to hear that you will soon be sending me a copy of the partnership agreement to review. Do make sure that it doesn't contain any errors before you send it on, won't you? Years of working with my own lawyer Welsby has impressed upon me the importance of accuracy in all things legal.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: INVOICE?

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 10:56:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail as I have gotten all updates from you as required. Just have in mind that the pullout of Mr Bilton do not in anyway affect our project as it would only cost funds to have the required fruit imported when it's required. If you insist in consulting with Mr Jonathan, I assure you have my go-ahead as I guess you know best what to do. Although it's so sad to hear that Mr Bilton pulled out following the threat he got. I just want you to be yourself.

I am so impressed the lawyer got to you and with the present position of things and very much pleased to also note that Meli Bord has gotten to you with the payment details. I say you make this payment at once. As for the invoice you are requesting before you make the payment, I do not understand that as I do want you to explain this to me and the reason for requesting for an invoice as I feel you are trying to delay this payment which I don't want to believe.

If anything should go wrong and you are unable to make the payment it won't be nice, so I expect you to let me know what is your point requiring an invoice when the payment has not been made. I advise you make this payment at once.

As regards my stolen cheque, no news about that yet, as I know that money has been stolen and still no trace about who did such. I am very much impressed with the present position of things over there as I also want you to be aware that I would go ahead with this project if you do not make that payment for any reason. As you have told me quite well that you will listen to my instructions as we go on in this project. Go ahead to make the payment to the account he sent to you with or without the invoice. I sure know that our invoice will definitely be issued as it's required to be filed in our records. I do not want the invoice to be the reason for your refusal to make this payment as myself won't take it lightly if it so be.

Anticipate your swift response.

Regards,

Sitaram

From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Payment Or Decline

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 11:14:20 -0700 (PDT)

Mr Windy,

Thanks for your mail. On receipt of your mail I do want to let you know that we have given to you our mode of transaction. It seems you still don't comprehend. We the Banana Republic company is informing you that if we do not get the details of the payment at the stipulated time to enable our multi-billing print machine to automatically have your invoice printed as soon as the payment has been confirmed, we shall go ahead to do away with your claims as our customer.

You are not to instruct us on how to give our customers the duty of care which we owe, rather than to comply with our service as our utmost aim is to serve you better.

For the safety of the company, that is why we stopped issuing out invoices before payment is made, as you understood from the mail received from us. We never meant you are going to have us defrauded. That was a misconception from you.

Thank you for all the mails as we have given to you the most explicit explanation which we feel you understand as what is required of you is to make the payment and send to us the details. On receipt of that your invoice will be issued promptly. We do not compromise this virtue, as either you make the payment and send us the details or you decline this payment, and we do away with your claims.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Meli Bord

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: Re: Payment Or Decline

Sent: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 23:00:49

Mr Bord,

I am in receipt of your incredibly rude email. Have you no manners, sir?

I am simply asking you to abide by rules of commerce and accounting that are accepted globally, by asking you to send me an invoice for the goods and services that you are to provide to me, so that I can enter this into my accounts and make payment to you against it. I am not asking you for anything unusual. You are supposed to be a businessman: if you are indeed who you say you are, this should be second nature to you.

Do you want my money or not, man? Stop whining like a baby and send me the invoice I require. As soon as I receive it I shall arrange the payment to you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: FINAL NOTIFICATION

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 00:19:11 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Thanks for your mail but be aware that the invoice you require we do not give out before payment any more and there is no way you can have that before making payment as you quite note that it's not wise to issue an invoice when you haven't made any payment. What then would be stated in the invoice?

As you see as read in our mail, if you don't get back to us with the payment details by the end of today that would make it the second business day which you got the payment details and your claims would be erased from our records.

Let your business partner Mr Sitaram be aware of this, if he is the one pressing you to insist on an invoice, that we no longer issue an invoice on no condition before payment is made. But we send down your invoice as soon as we confirm the payment you have made to the company's account.

We regret to let you know that if we do not get the payment details today, consider your claims erased out of our records.

Truly,

Meli Bord

From: Koso Arons

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Agreement Prepared

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 00:52:34 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Good news. I have your agreement ready first thing this morning as I got the approval from the Federal High Court today and have attached your agreement. Find it attached and download this. You have to consent upon it with your witness and have a copy of it sent back to me as well as to Mr Sitaram.

At this point I guess I have concluded my task here as Mr Sitaram has paid me for my services and I know I have concluded. Do get back to me immediately you have it signed so that I can have a copy of it sent back to the High Court unfailingly today as requested by them.

Sincerely,

Koso Arons

The first page of the partnership agreement
(Click to enlarge)

The second page of the partnership agreement
(Click to enlarge)

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: An update on the current situation

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 01:18:15 -0700 (PDT)

My Good Brother,

How is your day today, hope fine? I just want to let you be aware that the lawyer has gotten the agreement prepared which I myself has signed upon today and hope you have gotten a copy from the lawyer. As soon as you get that have it signed and send a copy to me also.

I don't know what is going on right now that you still have not got to me with the payment details as required to enable me go ahead with the TT which I already made up my mind that if you got back to me with the details of the payment yesterday I would have made payment for the fund to be transferred by today. Hope you get back to me with the signed agreement as well as the payment details as myself is impatient.

Why you choose to slow down this project when we both had reached an agreement and you accepted to make this payment for us to continue? Am so disappointed that today, the second day of this week, there is nothing done. I hope you have that on gear as myself would not hesitate to stop further transaction at this stage if you did not get back to me with the details as I require. Your subsequent mails to me you told me quite well that you won't make any payment until you get the lawyer's agreement which was a medium I presume you wanted to use in slowing down the pace of this project and I thank God that is not any more a problem.

I do not see any reason why you are delaying this payment Mr Windy. I presume you are a man of your words like myself. You make me feel so sad when I get to think of this project you are slowing down. Myself is not ready to condone further delay as I want to let you know that I expect you to get back to me positive about the payment today. I have decided what to do already, either myself quit or continue, whichever way you want it.

I feel when you write me a mail you think I don't observe. I do very much, as I take note of all the content of your email right from day one when we commenced our project.

Bye for now.

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: Let me explain some simple accountancy to you

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 10:45:37

Mr Bord,

I am in receipt of your email. I see to my dismay that you are still refusing to send me an invoice for the goods and services I am going to pay you for.

I simply cannot understand this. Banana Republic is a multinational corporation, which no doubt deals with hundreds, if not thousands of financial transactions each day. Yours must be the only branch of Banana Republic that does not abide by the internationally-accepted rules of accountancy, Mr Bord, by refusing to send out invoices in a proper manner. Is yours perhaps a special equal opportunities branch of Banana Republic, specially set up to employ people of lower than average educational achievement and intelligence?

Mr Troop the town hall clerk helps me out with my accounts and through him I have learned to do things properly: quite literally, "by the book". He would be horrified if he found me making a payment without first receiving an invoice from my supplier. That is simply not how business is done, Mr Bord.

Perhaps you are having some difficulty with the terminology I am using: I think you might be confusing an "invoice" with a "receipt". With that in mind, please allow me to give you a basic lesson in accountancy. I will try to put things extremely simply, in words of one syllable where possible, so that you will be able to understand me.

You are pro-vi-ding me with goods and ser-vi-ces. You are a supp-li-er.
You need to send me an in-voice. A-ccor-ding to my a-ccoun-tan-cy book, an in-voice is "a state-ment of mo-ney owed for goods or ser-vi-ces". The in-voice lists the goods or ser-vi-ces you are go-ing to su-pply me with.
When I re-ceive the in-voice I en-ter it in-to my books.
I can now pay the in-voice. This means that I give you the mo-ney.
When you have re-ceived the mo-ney, you then send me a re-ceipt. A re-ceipt is "an ack-now-ledg-ment that pay-ment has been made".

Please note carefully the order of events: you present me with an in-voice, then I pay you the mo-ney. And not the other way around.

I am a patient man, Mr Bord, but you are testing my patience to the limit. If you find it difficult to understand accounting practices, please get onto your accounting department and ask them to explain it to you.

I have the money ready to send to you, Mr Bord. The only thing that is holding up our transaction is the fact that you refuse to send me an invoice stating what goods and services I will be paying you for.

You are delaying this transaction, sir. I will not stand for any more delays or pathetic excuses from your end. Send me an invoice immediately, and I will pay you the money today. Otherwise, stop wasting my time, and try going to business school. You might learn something.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Fwd: Let me explain some simple accountancy to you

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 10:49:52

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Please find below an email that I have just sent to Meli Bord. As you can see, the man is still refusing to send me an invoice for the goods and services. I simply cannot understand why. Mr Troop, the town hall clerk, has given me a good basic grounding in accounting practices, and he has taught me that only a fool would make a payment without first receiving an invoice detailing precisely what goods and services the payment is for.

I have withdrawn the money I need to transfer to Mr Bord from Gilbert Jnr's savings account, and have it here, ready and waiting to be transferred. But I will not do that until Mr Bord sends me an invoice. Mr Troop would not approve at all if I were to do that. It is as simple as that, my friend.

If Mr Bord gets an invoice to me today, I will transfer the money to him as soon as I have signed our partnership agreement.

On a more positive note, I did indeed receive a copy of the partnership agreement from your lawyer today. I am just about to pay Welsby a quick visit, so I shall take the agreement along to him and ask him to run his eyes over it for me before I sign it. You will be pleased to hear that Welsby is recovering well from his accident, by the way. He was a damn sight luckier than your son, was he not? I will send him your regards, my friend.

Incidentally, my friend, it pains me to read that you think I am trying to delay our business. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am desperately keen to see our business move forward with speed. I have to say, the delays have all come from your end, Mr Sitaram. Your lawyer has taken an interminable amount of time to draw up our partnership agreement - that should have been completed weeks ago - and Mr Bord is delaying things by refusing to send me an invoice. You crashing your car in the middle of things didn't help much, either. I am sitting here, poised like a prize greyhound, ready to spring forward as soon as I receive an invoice from Mr Bord.

It seems to me that this invoice is the last stumbling block that lies between us and success, my friend. Perhaps you could have a word with Mr Bord and knock some sense into him? I've a good mind to contact Banana Republic's head office and ask them to get in touch with Mr Bord and sort him out. Do you think I should do that, Mr Sitaram? Do you?

I will get back to you once I return from visiting Welsby. Hopefully by then I will have received an invoice from Mr Bord.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Koso Arons

Subject: Thank you for sending me the agreement

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 10:51:08

Dear Mr Arons,

Thank you for sending me a draft of the partnership agreement. I am just about to pay my own lawyer a visit, so I will ask him to have a quick look at it and check that everything is in order. I am sure that it will be: as a trained lawyer, I have no doubt that you will have gone over the document with a fine toothcomb before sending it on to me.

I will get back to you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: On A Final Note

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 05:29:46 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your suggestion to us on how we should run the affairs of our company as we quite agree with you. But still letting you note that we do not issue out an invoice before payment is made. That is why you have the copy of the claims form with you.

We think you do not know the essence of it, that is why you insist on an invoice. Your invoice will be sent to you indicating the amount paid with a receipt attached to it, that shall be stating your balance payment to be made.

We feel you have understood and we are keeping you alert that by the end of today if you don't get back to us with the payment details, as we require having given out our bank details to you, being the end of the second working day your claims shall be erased from our records forthwith.

We advise you do not waste your time in writing further mails emphasising on this as this is our affairs which you can query but not question. Our duty is to render the best of services to our numerous customers, of which you are one. We advise you comply or decline.

Thanks for you patronage.

Meli Bord

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I Think It's High Time I Quit. Tired Of Delay

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 05:42:06 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank your for the mail you sent to me. I got it well and do want you to be very much aware of the fact that I am not in a very good mood at all right now having read your mail. I deem it very much fit to let you be aware of something very important here. I do not know why you have decided to tell me that just the sum of $15,000 you are to make to Mr Meli Bord is why you are been feeble minded for and writing me with accountancy terms which I don't seem to get clearly as far as our transaction is concerned.

First and foremost, get something very clear, that an invoice is necessary but Mr Meli Bord should be able to let you know why you have to make the payment first before you get an invoice as I sure know that there is a claims form already with you that lists what you are purchasing, and after the payment you get a receipt with a new invoice attached itemising the goods that has been paid for, as I don't know how you require an invoice now that you are making a part payment of just $15,000, when the total cost of what is to be purchased is close to $70,000. If you were there, would you issue an invoice for such?

I do want you to tell Mr Troop to be ready to carry on this project with you so he start getting prepared to make the TT to you as I see you choose to heed to what people ask you to do rather than to expedite our work. My good brother, as Mr Troop would not approve the payment, it's all OK. He should approve to be your partner then, because I have made up my mind that if you don't get back to me with the payment details by the end of today, I cease to continue with this project even if you go ahead to make the payment as you seem to step on my temperance Mr Windy, which I do not take lightly.

As soon as Mr Welsby is satisfied and you are sending back to me the agreement, I expect to get a positive note too on the payment, as it would be of no use then to have the agreement signed if you were not ready to carry on. At this stage tell Mr Troop to keep the money for you and go on with the transaction since he will not approve you paying to Meli Bord. As I strongly feel you take me for a fool that I don't know what I am doing giving you the procedure to attain our goal. I am very much sure that in this same way you confided in someone who betrayed your trust and rebelled against our project that lead to the last demonstration that happened.

Mr Windy, am letting you know for the last time that I am not forcing you to make any payment, but you have to do it for us to continue so that I can confide in you, or I cease to continue nonetheless of what I have lost. Whether or not we continue with this project I did like to meet you in person, as I would be personally coming over to the UK this month with my wife. I do not turn on my words.

I have been patient with you all the while but am no longer patient after so much time and funds I have lost. I am surprised at your excuse for not making payment, yet to enable me to carry on with the transfer as my spirit is very weakened with all these numerous complaints of yours. If you can make payment of this little sum based on my trust, how would you want me to have the will to send you the sum of $3 million to execute our project and pay an extra $105,000 as the tax to make this transfer?

Better you get back to me with the positive response, or consider our transaction over. I am tired of reading mails you write me with so much complaints. As you have chosen to heed to Mr Troop, it's better he gets prepared to fund this project for you as I will decline if you do not go ahead with the agreement we have reached. The money you are paying, I am going to refund to you. I should be the one in the position to ask for an invoice as I am to make the refund of the funds which I have reassured you times without number.

I am seated in front of my computer right now waiting for your positive or negative response so I conclude on what to do.

Bye for now,

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You Know This And Still Refused To

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 05:53:47 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

I am waiting right now to get a feedback from you as I am seated in front of my computer. I expect you to run fast and make that payment as Mr Bord has wrote me a mail telling me that our claims would be erased from their records if payment do not get to them by today which he wrote me that you are quite aware of that fact, that having given you the details you are expected to make payment in not later than two working days, which he says that the deadline is today.

If anything should happen to my stock, it's over. You better let me know your stand ASAP. As I am shocked you know this and you still refuse to have the payment made earlier.

I am so disappointed, by the way. What is the problem? Just $15,000? Let me know your stand. I am waiting.

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram; Cc: Meli Bord

Subject: I will make the payment immediately

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 14:15:58

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Dear me, my friend, you are in a bit of a mood, aren't you? And all this because that idiot Meli Bord won't provide me with an invoice.

Mr Bord should be ashamed of himself, if you ask me. He has placed the two of us in a very awkward situation, and has caused a rift in our partnership.

Well, my friend, our partnership is too important to me for me to let that happen. Therefore, despite Meli Bord's complete lack of professionalism and my own misgivings, I am willing to make the payment you suggested.

Please note, Mr Sitaram, that I am willing to do this even before I have signed our partnership agreement. This should show you how important our business is to me, and how much I trust you. The agreement is still with Welsby, by the way. He has promised to get it back to me as quickly as he can.

I am a man of action, Mr Sitaram. I am therefore leaving right away for my bank, where I shall make the payment of $15,000 to Mr Bord.

I will get back to you as soon as the payment has been made.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks For The Reassurance

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 06:31:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail and assurance that you are going to make this payment ASAP. Now I really believe that this project and our partnership which you don't take for granted, likewise I myself. We both shall make our enemies put to shame as I am on my way to the bank to get them alerted that they should be ready to make the TT transfer by tomorrow without delay.

I thank you for your reassurance in me and I am with you. Go ahead, make the payment and get back to me with the details. I know what to do ASAP. That is my words.

Bye for now.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram; Cc: Meli Bord

Subject: I have transferred the money to Mr Bord

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 15:24:41

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I have just returned from my bank, where I transferred the $15,000 payment to Mr Bord.

I explained to the cashier that I wanted to transfer a large amount of money to someone, and that I was keen to get it there as quickly as possible. The bank clerk explained that rather than carry out a simple bank transfer, in which the money would take days to be transferred, I could transfer the money instantly using the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS).

Although it costs a little more than a standard bank transfer, apparently using GIMPS means that the money is transferred instantly, rather than taking days. In addition to this, the recipient can specify the bank account into which the money should be transferred, at the time at which they collect the money.

GIMPS is apparently linked in to the worldwide Visa network, so any bank around the world that accepts Visa will also deal with GIMPS transactions: that must be the vast majority of banks. Using GIMPS, the recipient must go to a bank and ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, which they then fill in with details provided by the sender in order to collect the money. This is the point at which the recipient can specify the bank account into which the money should be transferred. Apparently it does not even have to be a bank account in the recipient's own name. The cashier is then able to access the money via the GIMPS network, and transfer it into the nominated account instantly.

GIMPS sounded absolutely ideal for our purposes: using GIMPS, Mr Bord should be able to access the money today, rather than having to wait. Apparently he will not even have to show any identification when he goes to collect the money. Therefore, I have transferred $15,000 to Mr Bord via GIMPS.

Mr Bord should be able to collect the money instantly. All he needs to do is to go to a bank (one that deals with Visa, and therefore GIMPS), ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, and complete it with the following information:

Sender's name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

I have attached the GIMPS receipt I was given to this email.

Please let me know as soon as Mr Bord has collected the money.

I am delighted to have our business back on track, Mr Sitaram. Hopefully we will not encounter any more unfortunate delays.

I am sorry to have to tell you that I found out something rather unpleasant on my way back from the bank. I was cycling back to the mill when I saw Nick Fisher the bill sticker. He was putting up a large poster. You can see Nick Fisher around town most days. Pasting up the posters, sticking up the bills, putting up advertisements for sausages and pills, flower shows and concerts, you can take your pick, all neatly stuck by bill-sticker Nick.

I stopped to have a chat to Nick and to ask him what the poster he was putting up was advertising. He looked rather ashamed when he showed me the poster. I am not surprised, my friend. The poster was advertising another demonstration against our project, and it is due to take place tonight!

The last demonstration was bad enough, but this one could turn out to be worse. I don't mind telling you that I am deeply concerned, Mr Sitaram.

Well, I will just have to man the barricades and keep my fingers crossed. Worse things happen at sea. And on the roads too, as you found out yourself the other week.

Get back to me as soon as Mr Bord has collected the money, won't you?

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Has Mr Bord collected the money yet?

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 17:23:46

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Has Mr Bord collected the money from the bank yet, my friend? I am sitting here on tenterhooks waiting to hear the good news from you.

I have to say, I have a bad feeling about the demonstration that is due to take place tonight. Something bad is brewing, I can feel it in the air.

Do get back to me and let me know what the situation is regarding Mr Bord. I could use some good news right now, my friend.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Make Payment Into The Company's Account Immediately

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 12:29:42 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Thank you very much for the mail as we got the payment you made to us, but on receipt of this mail we do want to let you know that it seems you know too much as to tell us also the mode of payment to receive our funds.

We do want you to be aware that the payment you made to your desired destination is that of your own free will as we won't go ahead to collect the money, so we advise that you have the money withdrawn back and make the payment into the company's account which we gave to you earlier this week immediately and get back to us with the details.

We have an account which all payment is made to which we have given to you and advise you act fast towards this payment as we hope you get back to us before 10am tomorrow with the details used in transferring this money into the company's account. There should be no mistake this time.

Yours,

Mr Meli Bord

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord; Cc: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Collect the money I have transferred to you and stop complaining

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 20:43:28

Mr Bord,

What are you on about, man? I transferred the money to you via the GIMPS network to make things easier for you. Using GIMPS, you can collect the money right now, rather than having to wait for days for the money to be transferred between accounts.

My last email contained all the information you need to pick up the money from a bank - from any bank within the Visa network. There is probably one just around the corner from you. If you find it difficult to understand what I wrote in my last email, why not ask someone with a better grasp of English to help you with it?

I have gone out of my way to transfer this money to you in the simplest way possible. My own bank recommended that I use GIMPS rather than using a standard bank transfer. I am having a very stressful time at the moment. Now stop making things complicated, stop acting like a spoilt child, and collect the money I have transferred to you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Meli Bord

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Make The Payment Into The Account

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 13:01:34 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Thank you very much for the mail as I am resending you our company's account details as I sure feel you have mistakenly deleted it from your mail box and that was why you made the transfer the way you feel best. I have resent you the payment details so that you be very much aware of what to do when you get to the bank by tomorrow.

We advise you comply with us as we expect this payment made into the company's account and get back to us with the details as we require not collecting the money from any Visa network. The account details once more is:

Fortif Banque, Rue Neuve 47, 4500 Huy Liege, Belgium

Swift code: GEBABEBB

Account No: BE48001-3859290-27

Beneficiary: STE FADAMA S.A.R.L.

Thank you very much.

Yours,

Meli Bord

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Has Mr Bord collected the money yet? Not at all

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 13:06:21 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for the mail as I was very pleased to see that you have made the payment but I am very much afraid that I got a very sad mail from Mr Meli Bord while I was writing this mail to you that the payment made would not be claimed by the company as it was not paid into the company's account.

I tell you my good brother Windy to have that money paid to the company's account first thing tomorrow as my today is already split following the mail I got from Mr Meli Bord that the money was not paid into the account. I do want you to note that I know is not your fault as what you did was to make sure the company receives the money today, but please for my sake do endeavour to retrieve the money back and have it paid back to the company's account without delay from your bank first thing tomorrow morning. As regards the demonstration I do want you to hold tight. All will be well OK.

All the money this would cost you should not weigh you down as I will make all refunds to you. That is my words. You have done well and when you get back to me by tomorrow, as soon as the money is wired into the appropriate account and you send to me the details, do be very sure that you have this done first thing in the morning so that myself can commence with the transfer ASAP that same tomorrow.

Thank you very much Mr Windy, as I know you won't let me down on this.

Please get back to me in the morning with the right payment to the appropriate account as I can no longer sleep tonight getting to know that the payment is not accepted by the Banana Republic based on the fact it was not paid into the appropriate account. Do endeavour to have this error corrected.

Anticipate you swift response on this mail.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Collect the money I have transferred to you and stop complaining

Sent: Tue, 07 Sep 2004 13:10:22 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Please get back to me by tomorrow because my hands are tied down over here.

I want to be rest assured that we just comply with the company, OK? As am sure they do not entertain the GIMPS system of payment.

Bye for now. I wait to get a mail from you tomorrow.

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: What Is Going On? Still Waiting In Front Of My Computer

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 00:44:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Hope all is well. Since last night I was unable to get to bed waiting to get a mail from you that you have made the payment to the proper account which I have still not gotten. Hope to have got it by now from you. Hope you are OK and on it as this should not be any obstacle for us to just comply and have the money paid into the company's account.

Coming to look at it, if there was no use for it there would have been no need to ask them on the mode of payment, which we did and on receipt sent to us an account to make the payment which you should endeavour to do soon.

Myself is still seated here to see that you get back to me before I leave for the bank straight up. As am getting late now I am supposed to be there as early as 8am, but still waiting. You get back to me soon. Am waiting for you. My brother, make haste and have this properly done.

Still waiting.

Regards,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Terrible news, my friend!

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 09:32:41

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I have terrible news, my friend! Dreadful news! Gypping Mill has burned down!

As I mentioned to you yesterday, Mr Clamp and his allies staged another demonstration against our proposed new retail development last night. This demonstration was even larger than last week's, and much more violent. PC McGarry number 452 was present, as were the soldier boys from Pippin Fort, but even they could not hold back the mob this time.

Elizabeth and I cowered in the top floor of the mill as the mob scaled the gates and broke into the mill yard. Luckily, Gilbert Jnr saw none of this; we had sent him away for the night to keep him out of harm's way and he was staying with the Mintons. To our horror, we watched as Mr Clamp directed the mob to pile up bales of hay around the foot of the mill tower. We simply could not believe our eyes when we then saw Mr Crockett the garage owner appear with a large can of petrol, which he poured all over the hay. Then, to our utter dismay, we watched Mr Clamp light the petrol-soaked hay with a burning brand!

The hay caught light instantly, and the flames started licking around the outside of the windmill. Only moments later, the wooden door of the mill tower caught light, as did one of the wooden sails. I threw open the window and Elizabeth and I screamed for help at the top of our voices. I have never been so scared in all my life, my friend. Elizabeth and I clung to each other tightly as the flames spread and started to take hold on the wooden machinery inside the mill.

I truly thought we were about to meet our end, when in the distance Elizabeth and I heard the faint sound of a bell ringing over the sound of the mob.

"We're saved!" cried Elizabeth. "It's the Trumpton Fire Brigade!"

Sure enough, seconds later, the Trumpton Fire Brigade's bright red engine pulled up at the foot of the windmill. I stuck my head out of the window and shouted down to Captain Flack, who got the measure of the situation at once.

"Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew," he shouted, calling the firemen to attention, "Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub!"

At once, the firemen sprang into action. In no time at all their hoist was raised against the side of the mill and fireman Cuthbert helped Elizabeth and I through the window and out of the burning building.

"Descend!" commanded Captain Flack when we were both safely in the basket of the hoist, at which fireman Barney McGrew flicked a switch and brought us safely back down to the ground. Fireman Cuthbert commented that it made a change from rescuing cats that were stuck up trees.

To cut a long story short, the mob dispersed into the night and the Trumpton Fire Brigade managed to put out the fire, but not before the windmill was completely gutted. It now stands as a sad, smoke-blackened, empty brick shell. PC McGarry number 452 is on the lookout for Mr Clamp and Mr Crockett - they are now wanted for arson and attempted murder - but they are nowhere to be seen.

I really don't know where this leaves us, my friend. My windmill, my only source of income and the future home of our new retail outlet, has gone. What are we to do? Should I start looking around for an alternative site for our new shop, or should we try to get the mill restored?

Oh, Mr Sitaram, I have been devastated by last night's events. All of this is your fault, do you realise that? If it hadn't been for your dogged insistence that we should go into competition with Mr Clamp by selling fruit, none of this would have happened.

I trust you can see that I need our business partnership to work, now more than ever, my friend. I am relying on you. With my livelihood gone up in smoke, our new retail complex will be my only source of income.

I trust you can also see that I have more important things to do this morning than go chasing around banks simply because Mr Meli Bord can't be bothered to shift his lazy backside out of his wicker chair and go to the bank to collect the money I have transferred to him.

I am fast losing my patience with that man. Could you please inform him that if he does not collect the money I transferred to him today, I will withdraw the transfer and he can go hang. We can find ourselves another supplier. One that displays more than an ounce of professionalism this time.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: So Shocking! Get Going and Get Back To Me Now

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 01:59:55 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

I am very much sad to hear this terrible incident that occurred last night as my heart is very much weak now. I don't have anything to say as myself is confused. Just listen carefully, my good brother Windy. Mr Clamp is already a loser. If they like they should destroy whatever they feel they want, but I am going to rebuild this as I shall make the funds, I tell you don't be worried. My lawyer shall be coming with me to the UK. I want you to note that they all that partook in that demonstration should be very much ready to go into jail.

You are my partner and protected by the international law of trade and commerce, That was why I made sure there was a legal seal on our contractual terms, which I shall use to institute my action against those losers. Thank God that my lovely son over there, Gilbert Jnr, did not witness this incident as he would have been very much scared. Now please help me console Elizabeth as she is also my fear.

I know you are a man, Mr Windy. I tell you that our progress is what Mr Clamp is opening for us, as they had better let the whole UK be aware with their foolish act, as the burning of the windmill won't be of any help, rather give me the mind to expand the horizon.

I am really provoked about this and I am annoyingly going to make extra funds available to you for all this rubbish so that when we commence the building for our complex there would be security intact to guard your house and the mill also. I tell you that those responsible for this notorious act are finished. Mr Crockett should be ready to tell the law if he is the law himself, to have poured petrol and set our site on fire, he must be mad.

Mr Windy my brother, this high time you act fast and not break down as I am annoyed right now and my blood is red hot. I do not want to know how much it would cost to situate an ultra-modern building right on that same spot as the windmill is situated. This building I want to have the foundation laid this week and commence work effectively. What I want you to have done this morning and right now as I am seated here is to please kindly go to the bank now and collect back the money transferred as the South Africans don't have any Visa network, am quite aware of that, and have the money paid into the account and get back to me soon. Am seated here. I do want us to be on course.

Do not worry. I am solidly with you as our enemies Mr Clamp shall live to see us progress and beg to be workers under your firm. I assure you, we shall put them to shame. Go now to the bank as soon as you get this mail. Endeavour no matter what, just let all our plans henceforth be limited to you and Elizabeth so that we go on smoothly. I am waiting for you to have the payment corrected into the company's account. Have this done now you get this mail.

Am waiting right here seated.

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Thank you for your steadfast support

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 10:31:32

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you, my friend, for your steadfast support in my time of crisis. I value your friendship and support extremely highly.

I just have time to send you this quick email. As soon as I have sent it I am accompanying PC McGarry number 452 to the police station for questioning and to give a statement. PC McGarry number 452 told me that this will take up most of the day, so I will have no time at all to travel to the bank. Meli Bord will simply have to collect the money I have transferred to him via GIMPS.

Meli Bord does not know what he is talking about if he is telling you that there is no Visa network in South Africa. I have just had time to check on the internet, and have found a whole host of South African banks that are part of the Visa network, including the Amalgamated Banks of South Africa, BOE Bank, Citibank, First National Bank of Southern Africa, Investec, Mercantile Lisbon Bank, NBS Bank, Nedcor Bank Ltd and the Standard Bank of South Africa.

Pass this list of banks onto Mr Bord at once and tell him to stop being so damn lazy.

As you know, I will be unavailable for most of the day now, but I will check my emails at the end of the day, by which time I hope to hear that Mr Bord has shifted his lazy arse and collected the money from one of the above banks.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you for your steadfast support

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 02:46:06 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for the mail you sent to me, but I still want to let you know that right now you don't have to get things complicated for me as you are making now. I simply tell you to withdraw the money and send it to the company's account, but if you don't have time for this, I do want you be aware that until Mr Meli Bord gets back to me that he has received the funds then can I go ahead with my plans at once.

Following the mail I got from him yesterday, he told me quite right that it was for my sake that my claims would have been erased. My brother, if we lose this purchase I tell you we have lost much profit. Mr Meli Bord is my good friend and I know what he can do. As I sure tell you that, do not slow down our pace at this stage as myself is still sitting and waiting for you to get back to me with more positive news from the bank, as I don't want you to look that whatever you are doing is for Meli Bord, rather for the sake of our project and me. That is why you have my assurance and confidence in this.

I urge you have the payment made this morning, no matter what the situation over there is, as am very worried. You are up to the station and this would also cost you some money to report this case, I guess. Whatever expenses it costs, enter it into our records as part of the capital spent on the opening stock that you will have back as soon as I get the funds to you.

My hands are tied down.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go to the bank and have it corrected first thing now so I act fast, OK?

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 02:51:31 -0700 (PDT)

My brother,

Get going to the bank. I know you won't have to spend more than thirty minutes doing this. Have the payment corrected so that you allow me to act fast. My hands are tied down. We are working as a team and you have to be able to understand this fact. I sure tell you that this is the first and last transaction we will ever have to transact with Mr Meli as myself is also tired.

Am waiting.

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I Need Progress From Your End

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 07:16:55 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

What is the current position of things over there? Hope all is well. I just want to let you know that I have been seated here whole day for hours now waiting to hear from you, but all to no avail as you did not get back to me. I just want to further let you know that I am with you, and take things cool. Myself is going now to attend to some pressing issues over here with my directors following this incident of the demonstration that took place over there yesterday.

I wait you get back to me with a more positive news and also the payment details you have used to make correct the payment into the company's bank account ASAP. Immediately on my return from the meeting I will check my mail so as soon as I get this information from you I will leave for the bank first thing tomorrow to have the money wired to you.

My patience is fast running out.

Regards,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Don't you read my emails?

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 17:26:42

Mr Sitaram,

What is the matter with you, for God's sake? Don't you read my emails? I told you I was going to spend most of the day at the police station with PC McGarry number 452 and that I would not be able to check my emails until the end of the day. So what on earth was the point of you sitting around like a lost dog waiting for me to respond to you? I despair sometimes, I really do. I have had an extremely tiring and irritating day, and the last thing I need is you badgering me when it is Meli Bord you should be hassling.

I spent most of my day being interviewed by the policeman, the big friendly policeman, PC McGarry number 452. He noted down details of all the terrible things that have happened since we went into business together, so he now has a lot of evidence against Mr Clamp and the rest of his gang. PC McGarry number 452 did comment at one point that this business enterprise of ours seems to have been cursed with bad luck right from the start. However, I choose to view things in a more positive light. Working together, Mr Sitaram, I believe we will be able to achieve anything.

As you can imagine, I did not have any time at all to go to the bank. I assumed that you would do as I told you to do, and send Mr Bord the list of South African banks that are part of the Visa network. There is bound to be one just around the corner from him.

If Mr Bord does find it difficult to locate one of the many South African banks I mentioned (and I would be very surprised if this was the case), I remembered earlier today that GIMPS is also allied to the MoneyGram network. This operates internationally, so Mr Bord should also be able to obtain the money from any bank around the world that accepts MoneyGram transfers.

As you will appreciate, Mr Sitaram, I have a great many things to sort out at the moment, and I have no time at all to waste making unnecessary trips to the bank. I have gone out of my way to transfer the money to Mr Bord in the most convenient way possible, and I am not prepared to waste any more of my valuable time simply because the man is too bone-idle to haul his sweaty backside out of his chair and to his nearest bank.

I have had more than enough of Mr Bord's pathetic whining. If the man has not collected the money by the end of tomorrow he can go to hell as far as I am concerned, and he can take all his bananas with him. He is not the only supplier of clothes in the world.

Perhaps I should contact Banana Republic in the UK and see what they have to say about Mr Bord's intransigence. They might even be willing to enter into negotiations with us regarding supplying goods to us directly from the UK rather than all the way from South Africa. What do you think, Mr Sitaram? Do you think that sounds like a good idea? Well, do you?

I have a busy evening ahead of me. Farmer Jonathan Bell has promised to come along with his mechanical digger to help me clear away the charred remains that are littering the mill yard. For jobs that are big, a mechanical digger is bigger and better and quicker. It lumbers and lurches and lifts heavy loads, digging deep ditches and holes in the roads, trenches for water, mains cable or drains, rumbling and roaring and taking the strain, loading up lorries with rubble and soil, a mechanical digger will tirelessly toil.

I must go. Farmer Bell has just pulled up outside in his farmer's truck, in his I-can-do-anything farmer's truck.

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I Know How You Feel My Brother, But You Have To

Sent: Wed, 08 Sep 2004 12:00:57 -0700 (PDT)

Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail and the polite insults on me as I got it and quite well understood the content therein. Thank the Good Lord that you were able to institute an action against Mr Clamp and his crew with the marvellous work of my good friend who I have not yet met, Mr PC McGarry number 452. Help me give him thanks and say that I commend his huge effort and assistance to us.

Am sorry for the incident once again and I know you had a very stressful day today my friend. I thank the work of the police, that they were able to file a lot of evidence against Mr Clamp, as this a headway for us. I guess this is just the beginning of his misfortune for ever getting himself involved in an indecent action.

My good brother, I want you to note that I am solidly with you as I also see the light, that we can achieve whatever we want to working as a team, but I want you to take things straight Mr Windy, as you keep turning on your words. This is not a sign of straightforwardness, I guess you know.

I got the mail you sent to me asking me how to make this very payment in question that you made to Mr Meli Bord yesterday. I replied to that very mail asking you to confirm from him, which you did at once. But I was baffled getting to note that you made the payment via the Visa network when what the company gave to you was their bank account details which all payments made to them come through.

If it was that you they run the Visa network as a medium of payment to them, wouldn't they have told you to have it done that way rather than sent you an account to notify you their mode of receiving payment made to them? Answer this question for me then, Mr Windy. Why did you request for mode of payment? Why then didn't you pay through the payment mode sent to you? What is the usefulness of the payment you have made, hence it would not be collected by Mr Meli Bord? What then do you want me to do if our claims is declined?

Mr Windy, I advise you to go through all this as I know you are in a very confused stage right now, but be rest assured I am with you, but you have to get something done tomorrow as that is what is to be done.

I want that payment withdrawn by you and have it sent into the account details the Banana Republic sent you unfailingly, or I advise if you don't want to do that, have the money withdrawn back and keep it to yourself and let's quit this transaction as I feel very sick thinking of all you query me about.

You requested for an account details that was sent to you and payment by you was made via a Visa network. Does that make sense? Then why did you first request for the mode of payment from the company? Mr Windy, this is not time we argue unnecessarily, rather is high time we put heads together and get all things moving as fast as we can. You the see the year is fast running to an end, that is why we have to act fast. So I tell you that first thing tomorrow, get to the bank and correct the payment to Mr Meli Bord into their company's account and get back to me with the details ASAP.

Back to my update. Having concluded today's meeting with the Board of Trustees, we all concluded to set aside a percentage for the loss you incurred which needs you attention as we have decided that the sum of $80,000 be paid into an account for Gilbert Jnr, which the account should be opened in his name. The funds they would approve to my accountant over here tomorrow that I am going to wire also as soon as you get back to me with things straightened out at your end.

I have explained to you in previous mails why I want us to purchase these goods from South Africa and now I wonder why you are telling me we should contact the UK. Mr Windy, if you want us to leave all decisions for you to make, am fine with that. If you can't simply just let us go smoothly, let me know. I cherish our unity very much as we have been together through and solidly we remain together. I know it's a hard time but you have got to be strong. Remember any disappointment has also a blessing attached to it.

So get back to me as soon as you get back from the bank. Endeavour to correct that payment as I have wrote a mail to Mr Meli Bord to explain the current position of things, why you did not correct the payment by today, and he is still patient with us at least. What are old time friends for?

Please, to help me, extend my warmest regards to Farmer Jonathan for the assistance that I sure owe him something, and I know you need rest Mr Windy. Do have some rest please.

My good brother, take heart, am with you. You have done it already. Have it straightened. I know you won't let me down on this as I never will let you down also.

Bye for now. God is with us, Amen.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I will transfer the money into Mr Bord's account

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 09:45:58

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email and for your further words of support. I am disappointed to see that your words of support did not extend to asking Meli Bord to collect the money that I had transferred to him, but no matter. Thank you also for your extremely kind offer to donate $80,000 into an account for Gilbert Jnr. Please pass on my most sincere thanks to your Board of Trustees. No doubt I will be able to thank them in person before too long.

Unfortunately, I have another extremely busy day ahead of me today following the disaster at Gypping Mill. I have to travel into town and visit the insurance company to discuss what has happened and to find out if I am covered for the loss.

I then have to visit the town hall: the Mayor has asked me to a meeting regarding our proposed new retail complex. Given the recent disturbances, he may be having second thoughts about backing our project. I will do my best to reassure him, my friend.

I remain astounded by Meli Bord's quite unbelievable reluctance to collect the money I have transferred to him. I have bent over backwards to give him all the information he needs to pick it up. Were I not such a trusting person, I would begin to wonder whether Meli Bord was actually in South Africa at all, or whether he was somewhere else entirely. What other reason could there possibly be for the man to refuse to collect the money?

Nevertheless, in an effort to move things forward, I am willing to waste more of my precious time on his behalf. I shall visit the bank, cancel the GIMPS transfer and transfer the money directly into the bank account suggested by Mr Bord. I trust this meets with your approval.

However, given everything that has happened and my incredibly tight schedule, I will not have time to do this today. Hopefully I will have time to do it tomorrow. Please pass this information on to Meli Bord, wherever he may be.

Now then, regarding our business partnership, Welsby got back to me with his comments on the partnership agreement that your lawyer drew up. I am sorry to have to tell you Mr Sitaram that the agreement as it stands at the moment won't do at all; it is riddled with spelling and grammatical mistakes, and parts of it don't even make sense.

Welsby has given me a detailed list of his criticisms:

The word "territory" is spelled incorrectly in the first paragraph.
The word "admit" should be "admits" in the first paragraph.
The apostrophe should be removed from the word "it's" in the first and second paragraphs.
The word "given" should be "giving" in point iii.
The word "recognises" is spelled incorrectly in point iv.
Extremely poor grammar means that point v does not make any sense at all and is completely meaningless.
Ditto point vi.
Ditto point vii.
The first instance of the word "fund" should be "funds" in point viii.
The word "debt" is spelled incorrectly in point viii.
The word "at" should be inserted before the words "any time" at the end of point viii.
The words "term and condition" should be "terms and conditions" in the paragraph under point ix.
The word "transaction" should be "transactions" in the paragraph under point ix.
The words "is agreed upon" should be "are agreed upon" in the paragraph under point ix.
The end of the paragraph under point ix makes no sense whatsoever and needs completely rewording.

On top of this, Welsby tells me that despite our strict instructions to Mr Arons, the agreement has been drawn up twixt-neb rather than pro-contum, it makes no reference whatsoever to ips-deferens, and it appears to have been drawn up on a basic principle of podiceps cristatus rather than sula bassana.

Welsby told me that he found it difficult to believe that the document had been drawn up by a properly-qualified legal professional: in his opinion, no lawyer worth his salt would make such a catalogue of crass errors in one single document. He asked me to enquire whether you had made a mistake when scouring the telephone directory for a barrister, and had accidentally engaged the services of a barista instead? Welsby suggested that you should be able to check by asking Mr Arons to make you a cup of coffee and seeing how well he does it.

I trust you will agree with me that this document is about as much use as a chocolate millstone. Kindly get back to Mr Arons with Welsby's list of errors and have the man redraft the agreement immediately. And tell him to do it properly this time. I just wish that Welsby had not been run over by the army truck, by the humpety, bumpety army truck. He never would have made such foolish errors as your lawyer has made.

Welsby advised me that our main priority now should be to get a properly-worded partnership agreement drafted and signed. Once we have the revised agreement, we can move forward and I can transfer the money to Mr Bord's bank account.

Due to my busy schedule today - I am just about to leave for the insurance company - once again, I will be unable to check my emails until late on in the day. I hope to receive a properly-drafted agreement by the end of the day. If your lawyer puts his mind to it, he should be able to manage that in between making all those espressos and cappuccinos for his customers.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will transfer the money into Mr Bord's account

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 02:35:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thanks for your email as I have got it and have just had it printed out. Am on my way back home to take a very good look at it and go through it very well. I don't have anything else to say but I shall get back to you with my final decision as to this project.

I know what to do.

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: My Decision If No Progress By Morning

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 07:53:33 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Why don't you make things easier for me just once, or is it proper at this stage that all we do is to make unnecessary when we have much development issues to treat about the progress of our venture, which is a great task ahead of us? Do you think about this? Do you consider time? Or this is not important to you? My reason for telling you this I will state clear at the conclusion of this mail.

As I write you this mail, deep down my heart is very heavy following the incident that just occurred after I received your mail and immediately dashed out to catch that blunt headed lawyer. On my way returning it was all a different story, as I have been involved in another accident from my deflated tube that got exploded on a very high speed, as I could not control myself with the anger in me, considering the payment I have made to him for the agreement to be drafted.

I almost had an entire family killed as I struggled hard with the steering that was pulling me directly to the crowd across the road where there is a restaurant. Having battled hard with the steering, I finally was able to bang into the fence of the Inspector General as the front of my V6 Lexus car was inside the compound stocked within the broken fence, and was seriously damaged with all the oil from the car littering the compound, and the bottom part of my car was hooked outside of the compound. Before I was able to recover from the shock I was apprehended by the policemen stationed on guard at the Inspector's house and bundled straight to the station. Having been able to explain what went wrong and based on personal recognition, I was released without bail, but however they lifted my car to the police station where it's been impounded. The commissioner assured me that I will have my car released by tomorrow on one condition: that I report myself back to the station as early as 8am tomorrow.

Immediately they release my car I would hire for a truck to have it lifted from the station to the automobile workshop at once for repairs while I move straight up to see my doctor for an x-ray, as I feel much pain in my backbone and my arm just recovering from the terrible issue where I lost my only son and now again for the sake of that blunt headed lawyer who can't draft a simple agreement.

Back to business my friend, as you have to take and note all I have to let you know at this stage with caution, as I am telling you my mind and final decisions now.

Firstly, the agreement. I have cross-checked very carefully and have noted well that there was errors with it that got me upset that Arons is a jackass who is not fit to be a lawyer. I have called the Chief Justice and reported him about the errors he made as regards a simple agreement which I already paid him for, and I stated clearly to the Justice that I want his licence ceased as he is not fit to be a member of the Bar Association. And I would press on that to be done. Tell Mr Welsby that I thank him very much for him being able to note these errors, as myself nor you Windy would have been able to discover this, as we are not legal practitioners.

Following what has just happened, I want you to get something straight, Mr Windy, that I was very weakened about you suggesting that the same fool Arons should have the agreement corrected when he could not even find his errors. I bet you that I am sure by now he must have been arrested as I clearly stated in the station that he was the cause of all my problems that got me involved in such an accident and almost made me kill an entire family.

What I am telling you is this, that Mr Welsby has to get this agreement drafted for us, as I sure know that for him to be able to detect these errors he can as well have it drafted for us. Hence it would take less time to draft another agreement rather than correcting errors, as that blunt headed lawyer won't have anything done any more. I am suing him and he is going to make refund of the money I paid him for the notorious and childish work he did, as he is best fit to be a steward in a restaurant which I would have crashed into with the vehicle if he was the one at the front of the restaurant I almost crashed into. So I do want you to tell Mr Welsby to go ahead with the agreement drafted, and as soon as it's ready have it sent to me and I will sign on it. I shall be patient with him to have it done at his convenience while we go ahead with our transaction without further delay.

Secondly, I saw quite well that you are disappointed in me and do want to say thank you very much for that because I refuse to question Mr Meli Bord for not going to collect the money you transferred to him. Note that if we start up our retail outlet, do you want to make me believe that the same person in charge of sales would also be in charge of receiving money? Mr Meli Bord is a sales manager and the account sent to you for the payment to be made is the accountant's name of the account that is in charge of receiving payment as Mr Meli Bord doesn't have anything to do with the physical cash.

That aside, having noted the fact that you are disappointed in me, I don't know what to say, and having myself found out that you are not straightforward in your actions, I am very sad right now as I never believed you could send to me such an email. Nevertheless, I write you to let you know what I have concluded, as I read in the lower part of the mail that without an agreement you won't correct the payment. So I am letting you know that you can have your money collected as it's still there for you and let's quit, because this time I want Welsby to have that agreement drafted, and expect that should not be the reason for not making the payment to the account name and details that was sent to you by the company when you requested for the mode of payment.

Afterwards, myself would be leaving for the clinic now and from there I would be going to my priest for prayer and advice about this transaction between the both of us, as I have learned to do everything with you right from the outset based on trust and nothing more. Hence you always have excuse or whatsoever for you to do what I have told you to do and we have agreed upon for just a token you have to make for me to be rest assured that we are together. I tell you it's better you let me know your stand as I am very much impatient.

Put yourself in my shoes, that if you were to be me and I were to be you and I am slowing down the pace of receiving the business fund you are sending because of my argument have the right thing done at the wrong time just the way you just did being aware that you have lost a reasonable sum when we have not even commenced, will you be this patient with me?

My final conclusion is this, Mr Windy. I am not checking my mailbox till 10 o'clock in the morning when I return from the station, and with the intention of moving after checking my mailbox directly to the bank to make the TT, but if I do not see the mail that the payment you made to Mr Meli Bord has been corrected, don't expect any more mails from me and consider that this transaction is over. Henceforth I cease to be your partner as it seems that you don't think of the time wasting, rather all I read in your mails is argument. Why?

I thought you will make use of your discretion having known that myself will be with you over there in the UK this month to save all arguments, so when I get there we have it sorted out man to man and let's get ahead with our project at once. My coming there, I will be your guest and we have all day and night to thrash out issues that is pressing. Rather I get mails from you. It seems there is someone who is advising you very wrongly, which I advise you can go ahead to continue the project with that person because I don't seem to note each mail I get from you expecting we are progressing, you keep slowing down our pace.

On a final note, I write you this mail. Once I check my email by that time in the morning and don't get the mail from you with the payment corrected, I quit. I am not ready to read any explanatory mails anymore until we get going with this project. What is the problem? Why are you inconsistent?

Finally, I want to let you know that as you are also disappointed, I am not worth to be your partner because I don't know what else you want me to do when you do not want us to move ahead. If I don't get a mail from you by then, it's OK as I sure will know you quit also. If so, I thank you as I am speechless. If I decide to pour out my mind I am not sure you can read the whole of it. I save my comment.

I have stated clearly that whether or not we continue, myself would be coming to the UK. I would definitely be there to see you. I am making haste right now to get my visa. I don't know why you don't keep to your words, telling so much stories just for $15,000 that won't be enough for us to play casino if I we choose to play casino when I come over.

Lest I forget, if Mr Welsby is not willing to draft the agreement then it shall be drafted in the presence of both of us when I get to the UK this month by Mr Fish Smith from Canada. I sure know that we have many people to prosecute for damages. Whatever may be the reason for not having that money transferred by you by tomorrow Mr Windy, means that I have quit. Note this. If get log on to my box I shall only click of the first mail I get from you and if the details is not there, consider our partnership over. I expect that both the details of the payment and whatever you want to write me be enclosed in just one mail as I have done, as I only expect to get one mail from you by tomorrow morning, or we quit. That is my conclusion.

My patience stops as soon as I don't have the money transferred by you by tomorrow.

Bye for now. I check my box tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I will make the payment to Meli Bord first thing tomorrow morning

Sent: Thu, 09 Sep 2004 17:20:47

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your extremely long and detailed email, my friend. I was shocked to hear that you have been involved in another car crash. If I were you, my friend, I would seriously consider getting myself a chauffeur. You're obviously not the world's best driver. You have already killed your son as a result of your dangerous driving. You don't want to be responsible for any more deaths, do you?

You say that your back and your arm are hurting you. I imagine your fingers must by rather painful right now as well, after all the typing you've done today.

I am pleased to hear that you have decided to have no more to do with that useless lawyer of yours. He should stick to tending his Gaggia in the future if you ask me. As Welsby is still unfortunately indisposed following his accident, I am prepared to accept your suggestion of getting Fish Smith to draft a new agreement when you come over to the UK.

So, Fish Smith is Canadian, is he? I didn't know there were any Canadian lawyers practising in Nigeria. He must have been quite a catch.

It has been another busy day for me, my friend. I spent a long time at the offices of my insurance company, going through what had happened and trying to reach agreement on how much the insurance company will pay out for the loss of the mill and its contents. Fortunately, after a considerable amount of negotiation, the company has agreed to pay up in full. I am sure you will agree that this is excellent news.

After that, I travelled directly to the town hall where I had a very productive meeting with the Mayor (who, incidentally, has an excellent chauffeur called Philby). As I expected, after the unrest of the last few weeks, the Mayor was having second thoughts about giving us his backing. He explained to me that it was his responsibility to safeguard local jobs, local businesses and the local economy as a whole.

I explained to the Mayor that we were in fact planning to obtain a large number of supplies locally: biscuits from Mr Cresswell, pots from Harry Farthing, dairy produce from Thomas Tripp, clocks from Mr Platt, fruit from Mr Bilton or Farmer Bell, ice cream from Mr Antonio and flowers from Mrs Cobbit. I also told the Mayor about the local tradesman we were planning to employ to carry out the redevelopment of the mill: Mr Clutterbuck the builder, Chippy Minton the carpenter and his assistant Nibbs, Cyril and Horace the bricklayers, Mr Wilkins the plumber and Walter Harkin the painter and decorator. I also explained the benefits that we would bring to the local transport infrastructure, by bringing extra trade to Mr Rumpling's barge, Lord Belborough's steam train, Bessie, and also to Mr Swallow at Treddle's Wharf.

I told the Mayor that it wasn't our fault that most of these people had since withdrawn their support for our project; most of them did so under duress following threats from Mr Clamp, the fugitive greengrocer.

The Mayor was very impressed when he heard the list of local businesses that would benefit from our project, and explained to me that the prosperity and social cohesion of the Gypping in the Marsh community was his main concern. He then offered to do me a deal. He told me that as long as we promised to give him 10% of the profits of the shop each month, he would give our project his full backing. He told me that if I refused his offer, he would ensure that the council rejected any plans we put forward for a new retail business.

Given the alternative, I felt that I had no option but to accept the Mayor's offer. I trust that you approve, my friend. After all, 10% of the profits is not all that much to give away. I thought it could come out of your share of the takings. I hope you don't mind.

Now then, you seem to have got yourself into a bit of a state over this whole affair. Please calm yourself, my friend. I give you my word that I will travel into town first thing tomorrow morning, cancel my GIMPS transfer, and transfer the money directly into Mr Bord's account. There. Now does that make you happy?

What date are you planning to come over to the UK, my friend? You must let me know so that I can prepare the barn for your wife.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I have transferred the money to Meli Bord

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 09:30:26

Dear Mr Sitaram,

To prove that I am a man of my word and a business partner worthy of your trust, I went to the bank first thing this morning, cancelled my GIMPS transfer, and transferred the $15,000 directly into the account specified by Meli Bord. I have attached a scanned copy of my payment receipt for your convenience.

I would appreciate it if you could pass this information onto Mr Bord. I have not heard from him for a while. Presumably it will be easy for you to let him know that the money is on its way, what with you being on the same continent as the man, if not even closer.

Now then, Mr Sitaram, I trust you will be able to put aside any doubts you may have had about my reliability, and move forward with speed on our project. We have encountered far too many delays for my liking, and I would like to see us move forward without any further problems.

Now that I have transferred this small amount of money to Mr Bord, you should be in a position to transfer the larger amount of money directly into my Bartletts bank account to enable us to proceed. Let me see now... you need to transfer $3 million to me for the redevelopment of the mill, the $100,000 that you agreed to give Gilbert Jnr for his academic studies on September 3rd, plus the additional $80,000 that the Board of Trustees agreed to donate to Gilbert Jnr on September 8th. That makes a grand total of $3,180,000 that you need to transfer into my Bartletts account. Please advise when I can expect the money to appear in my account.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

Gilbert's forged bank receipt
(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Is everything alright, my friend?

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 13:50:48

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I am surprised not to have heard back from you yet regarding the email that I sent you this morning. Have you let Meli Bord know that I transferred the $15,000 to him first thing today?

I do hope everything is alright with you, my friend. You haven't been involved in another car crash, have you? Perhaps you should consider taking the bus, or letting the train take the strain. I'm sure that's what Lord Belborough would advise you to do.

"Time flies by when you're the driver of a train, and you ride on the footplate there and back again," as Lord Belborough is fond of reminding me. "In the cutting, through the tunnel, rushing, clanking on the track, wheezing pistons, smoking funnels, turning wheels go clickety-clack," as he often says. But of course, I am suggesting that you should be a passenger in a train, not the driver. God only knows what havoc you would cause if you were in charge of a train, given your driving skills.

Incidentally, Mr Sitaram, do let me know if you would like Dr Mopp to take a look at your wife's knees when you come over to this country. I'm sure he would be able to do something about it. As I have mentioned to you before, if you're feeling sickly, please call him quickly. He can cure all ills, with his pale pink medicine and sugar-coated pills.

Do get back to me and let me know the current situation. I am anxious to receive the $3,180,000 that you promised to transfer to me.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Meli Bord

Subject: I have transferred the money to you

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 14:41:52

Dear Mr Bord,

Just in case my friend Mr Sitaram has not already told you, I am writing to let you know that I cancelled my GIMPS transfer this morning and transferred $15,000 into the Belgian account you specified.

Presumably this meets with your approval, as you will not have to shift your no doubt considerable posterior from the comfort of your wicker chair and shuffle off to the bank to get the money yourself now.

Well, Mr Bord, now the ball is firmly in your court. Now is the time for you to get to work, and to prove to Mr Sitaram and I that you are worthy of our patronage. It should not too difficult for you to improve on what can only be described as your execrable performance in this business up until now.

I feel it only fair to warn you that you have quite a lot of ground to make up: Mr Sitaram has already confided in me that he is considering ceasing all future trade with you as a result of your time wasting and intransigence.

So, get to work, Mr Bord. Start packaging those goods which you told me were meant for someone else and send them on to me. Now that Gypping Mill has been razed to the ground it will be some time before Mr Sitaram and I have our new retail outlet up and running, but I could do with making some money in the meantime, so I am planning to hawk the goods you send me from a couple of Walter Harkins' old pasting tables in the mill yard.

Get back to me and let me know when the goods are ready to be despatched, there's a good chap.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I thank God all is well now. I shall get back to you

Sent: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 09:46:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail and the details you sent that was used to correct the payment you made to Mr Meli Bord. I do want you to know that I got the mail as I have just returned from the station now. Today has been a very bad one for me but thank God that it's good all the same, having the great joy that we are progressing.

Right now am still recovering from the shock of my life I encountered today at the station. I was detained again by the police following yesterday's incident.

As soon as I am able to overcome the shock and put myself together I shall send to you a mail. I want you to note that I have no doubt about our partnership and am very much with you. Please do wait for my mail as I quickly wrote you so that you know I am solidly with you, but have not checked my mail since morning as I was detained again.

I assure you that as soon as I am calm I will write you. Thank you very much Mr Windy for the assurance that you are a man of your words. One more thing. I want you to have that payment receipt sent to Mr Meli Bord and wait to get a mail from me so I let you know the current position of things.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Good Day Partner

Sent: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 02:30:19 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you once again for the mail, as I tell you indeed you have done great, as the burden now lies on me now to have the funds available to you without further delays.

I have just been able to write you now to let you know that following my detention at the station I was unable to get to the bank and that I promise I shall have it done first thing on Monday morning as I shall run to the bank and have the money transferred.

Having read the mail, I want you to note that I approve with all my heart the deal you had with the Mayor, who will give us all the backup and protection we need to have this project completed without further delay and disturbances. The 10% profit which he needs us to render to him monthly will surely be rendered to him without fail even before it gets to the end of the month. Am very much sure we have it remitted to him three days before the month runs out. You have my full approval as you have exercised a great business initiative having cut that deal with him, and I am very much happy for that.

Furthermore, as I earlier said that I shall go to the bank to make the transfer first thing on Monday morning and I shall write you a mail as soon as I get going, and on my return send you another mail to keep you abreast. I sure know you are with me.

Have a nice weekend with your family as myself and my wife will be going on vacation for the weekend and would be back by Monday morning. As soon as we get back I will send you a mail to let you know when I am leaving for the bank.

Thank you very much my partner.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: I look forward to receiving the money from you

Sent: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 17:31:09

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your emails. I am delighted to hear that you will be transferring the money to me first thing on Monday morning. I cannot wait to receive it.

I am also delighted to hear that you approve of the deal I struck with the Mayor. It sometimes pays to grease the odd palm or two, I'm sure you would agree.

I was most distressed to hear about the problems that you have been having with your local police. That must be most inconvenient for you. Have they charged you with anything? Dangerous driving, perhaps, or maybe driving without due care and attention? Perhaps you should let your wife drive once her knees are better.

Incidentally, I heard from PC McGarry number 452 earlier today that he has been given some promising new leads regarding the whereabouts of Mr Clamp the fugitive greengrocer. He has heard rumours from Mrs Honeyman that Mr Clamp, Mr Crockett and Roger Varley may be hiding out at Raggy Dan's rag and bone yard. Apparently he is hoping to be able to apprehend them in the near future.

I trust you and your wife are enjoying your weekend away. I look forward to hearing from you on Monday morning.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

PS. I have informed Mr Bord that I have transferred the money to him, but he has not got back to me yet. Yet another example of the man's laziness.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: A shocking development

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 11:51:27

Dear Mr Sitaram,

I was just about to email you to find out whether you had transferred the $3,180,000 to me, when I received the following email from my bank manager:

Dear Mr Murray,

I am writing to inform you that an automatic stop has been placed onto a transfer you made on Friday 10 September. The transfer in question was for $15,000, to an account named "STE Fadama S.A.R.L.". The $15,000 in question has been returned to your account.

This bank subscribes to the Worldwide Automatic Banking Intelligence Tracking System (WABITS), which maintains a record of bank accounts around the globe that are used for a variety of criminal purposes, including advance fee fraud, money laundering, the funding of terrorism, and other illegal activities. The account to which you were attempting to transfer money (account number BE48001-3859290-27 at the Fortif Banque) has been flagged as a "potentially dangerous" account in WABITS. Our banking system has therefore placed an automatic stop on the transfer.

This bank subscribes to WABITS in order to protect our customers, and to protect our own business. As soon as the automatic stop was placed on the transfer this morning, I contacted WABITS for more information. I spoke to a Mr E Fudd, who informed me that the account to which you were attempting to transfer money is suspected of being used for criminal activities.

Given the fact that you have been a long-standing customer of this bank, I am assuming that you are unaware of this yourself. I would strongly urge you to investigate this matter yourself and to proceed with caution, as I believe that it is possible you may be unintentionally involved in fraudulent activities.

Please contact me at any time if you would like to discuss this matter further.

Yours sincerely,

Nathaniel West

Manager, Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln

I am aghast, Mr Sitaram. I am in a state of shock. Can you please explain what is going on here? What on earth was Meli Bord thinking of, asking me to transfer money to a bank account that is being used for criminal activities. Does this mean that Mr Bord himself is involved in some sort of criminal activity? I thought he was a friend of yours.

I am assuming that you are as shocked by this news as I was, Mr Sitaram. What is going on? I want an explanation from you, my friend. And I want it by return.

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Am So Confused

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 05:05:52 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail. I do want you to note that I received it and I am just returning back now having had a splendid weekend with my family.

On my return I got a mail at my doorstep that I was required to report at the station following the last incident. I just returned and decided to write you this mail that all is well and am with the money right here, am transferring to you, and right now I was about heading straight right to the bank immediately when I got this shocking mail.

Am so confused and don't know what to write you. Please my very good brother Windy, if you can give me a call I want you to do so with this number +234-8055146882, or 00234-8055146882.

My heart is very heavy and I do want you to also include on the receipt of this mail your direct phone number so I give you a call on this issue.

I wait you get back to me and also expecting your call.

Regards,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: You're confused? How do you think I feel?

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 14:23:16

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email, my friend. You say that you're confused by all this. Well how do you think I feel? Here I was, on the verge of receiving $3,180,000 from you, when I find out to my horror that Mr Bord, one of your associates, appears to be a crook.

I have contacted my bank and asked them for more information. Mr West consulted WABITS and have emailed me a report detailing exactly why they cancelled the transfer.

I have scanned in a copy of the WABITS report and attached it to this email for you. As you can see, according to WABITS, the account that Meli Bord told me to transfer money to is associated with advance fee fraud!

Can you explain this? I am extremely confused. I thought Meli Bord was a business associate and friend of yours, but now it turns out that he is some kind of fraudster. Were you aware of this?

On a more positive note, it looks as if I have had a very lucky escape: if what the bank says is accurate, I could have lost the money I transferred to Mr Bord. Thank heaven my bank subscribes to WABITS.

Also on a positive note, the WABITS report seems to suggest that the authorities are aware of the identity and whereabouts of the scammers involved, and are about to apprehend them. This is good news for all decent, honest businessmen like you and I, Mr Sitaram.

You haven't transferred any money to Meli Bord, have you Mr Sitaram? I hope not: if the man is indeed a fraudster, you may never see your money again.

Well, after this close shave, it looks as if we will have to find ourselves an alternative supplier. Do you have anyone in mind, or would you like me to start looking around locally?

Incidentally, don't let this nasty affair stop you from transferring the $3,180,000 to me, will you? I look forward to receiving it.

Please get back to me with your thoughts as soon as possible.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

(Click to enlarge)

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I Know How You Feel And You Should Know How I Feel Too

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 07:00:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you for the mail. I got the WABITS report and it indeed struck my heart very much. I just can't think of anything reasonable at the moment, but do want to let you know that our partnership remains solidify.

The best I want to do right now is talk to you on the phone due to the fact that you know my arms are really hurting me following the last incident. That is why I can't write what I have to say now. If you can't get through to me with that number, I want you to write your phone number and send it to me. As soon as I get the mail I will give you a call.

It is time we talk on the phone and have a heart to heart talk. The $3,180,000 is the investment funds which I will definitely make available to you, that is my words.

Get back to me with the numbers and thanks be to Bartletts. By now I wonder what would have been our fate? Am very much sure that those same criminals that stole my cheque might be associated with this criminal act.

I pray they get them.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: My telephone line is still out of action

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 15:23:04

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I would love to talk to you on the telephone, but my telephone line is still out of action. Mr Wantage and his assistant Fred have been unable to work out what the problem is.

"Ring, ring, ring, ring, replace your receiver please. Post Office Telephones will send an engineer. Your phone was disconnected by a fault that's now corrected. We are sorry to have troubled you, but now the line is clear."

Well, that's what I'd like to hear them say, but all they have come up with so far is one excuse after another. It is extremely vexing, Mr Sitaram, and awfully inconvenient.

Do you really think that Meli Bord was involved with the criminals who stole your cheque? And you thought he was your friend. It's terrible, it really is. It just goes to show that you can't trust anyone nowadays. Never mind; look on the bright side, Mr Sitaram. At least you know that you have one friend you can trust: me, your good friend "Windy Miller".

Following the revelations about Meli Bord, I have emailed the UK offices of Banana Republic to see what they have to say about the matter. No doubt they will be horrified to hear that a pathetic little fraudster is dragging the good name of their company through the dirt.

Where do we go from here, my friend? First things first. I advise you to go directly to your bank and transfer the $3,180,000 to me. Then I can engage the services of Mr Clutterbuck to start work on the burned-out hulk that is Gypping Mill.

We have wasted far too much time already on this project, and we cannot afford to waste a moment longer. I expect you to get back to me with the payment slip to prove that you have made the payment to me by tomorrow lunchtime. Then we can move forward.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Give Me A Call My Partner

Sent: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 12:39:45 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Windy,

Thank you very much for the mail you sent to me as it gives me more courage and great strength that we are still together as I honestly have to let you know that this incident really baffled me and I have been out since I got this mail to report this issue to the FBI and they are right at it. I was given a detective that would be personally travelling to the South Africa to check on Meli Bord and his evil counterpart he calls the company.

The reason I really wanted you to make part payment for the stock we were purchasing was because I was rather scared too following my missing cheque and wanted to be rest assured that you are with me. I never knew that we were about to have lost another $15,000, having myself lost quite a huge amount earlier.

However, till now I have wrote to Meli Bord a series of mails and he still have not gotten back to me with anything reasonable. As it's very much true, you have said that trusting someone these days is very difficult. You I sure can trust, and you only is my partner whom I sure confide upon this time, and please I do want to really have talk with you on the phone and I want you to give me a call by all means.

The detective shall be leaving for the South Africa by next tomorrow and I have made available his air ticket to the South Africa and want him to personally go there with some funds himself to personally apprehend Meli Bord. I feel he has to let the both of us know what is going on. So far I have told them all I can say towards this incident and he hesitated to hear from you. I have given to him your email and sure knows he would definitely write you to let him know things also from your opinion about this issue so that he can be fully aware of the happenings. Please, if he gets in touch with you, do endeavour to tell him all you know that would help him investigate properly on this issue, as I reported directly to the Federal Bureau For Investigation that myself and my partner was almost scammed by Mr Meli Bord and I assure you he will be tracked without fail.

I very much agree with you that we have wasted too much time on this, and now you agree with me that time is very important. I am very much aware of this, so I will have to do what I have to do fast. Right now I tell you that I am really stranded following all this expenditure that the Inspector cost me, as I have to fix back his broken fence today before I was able to close that issue at the station.

I would want you to be cool and have at heart that we are just more than partners and I am solidly with you. The investment funds will get straight to you, as I have had the money deposited with the bank earlier today and will be completed with them by tomorrow, as I spent from it today when I got your mail to run some expenses and pay for the repairs of the Inspector's broken fence.

Do be very much aware that I am not sleeping about this. I am provoked and want that goat head tracked down, and thank God for not allowing us lost this money. That would have been another debt on me, as I would have still paid back to you the money as planned, whether or not Meli Bord collected the money. What would I have done if we had lost the money?

Before the detective would leave for the South Africa, I want him to go there with at least $10,000 directly to the company and request to see Mr Meli Bord. I was instructed to let you know that we don't have to create much tension to the company so that Meli Bord will not be on the run, as I sure know that he will be apprehended. I plead with you, Mr Windy, that you should as you will do me a great favour that will be of much help to me, that I will let you know when it's time. All our discussions as I have told you should be confided within your household for security reasons.

I look forward to receiving your phone call and I will write you to let me know what the current position of things is and urge that you also keep me breasted with the current position of things over there. Hope your bank did not hold any charges against you. Let me know. The Good God Grant You Strength.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Joshi Sitaram

Subject: Together, we will triumph over adversity

Sent: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 10:07:37

Dear Mr Sitaram,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that you have reported this matter to the FBI. To be honest, I am surprised that the FBI are interested in the affairs of a miserable little African advance fee fraudster (I am referring to Meli Bord here, of course). I assumed they only involved themselves in American matters.

Nevertheless, if this detective needs to contact me for any information, please tell him not to hesitate. I will help him in his investigation in any way I can.

It saddens me to reflect on the amount of criminal activity we have encountered in the course of our business. We have had to deal with riots, arson and attempted murder from Mr Clamp and his gang, you have had a cheque stolen from you in the post, and now Meli Bord has tried to scam us out of $15,000. It makes me wonder if there are any good people left in the world. Still, at least we can trust each other.

You may be interested to know that I have had a response from Banana Republic's UK office. They have never heard of Meli Bord, and assure me that nobody of that name works for the South African arm of the company. I emailed the claims form that Meli Bord sent me to them, and they tell me that this is a fake. And a very poor fake too, according to them.

Mind you, from reading the WABITS report, it looks as if Meli Bord will soon get what he deserves: the report did say that the authorities were aware of the individuals involved in this fraud and that arrests were imminent. The sooner the better, that's what I say. Would you not agree, Mr Sitaram?

I expect you to go to the bank today and transfer that money to me. Get back to me with the payment slip by the end of the day, there's a good fellow.

Best regards,

"Windy Miller"

From: Ekemefuna Ikenwe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Sir

Sent: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 02:01:07 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

Good day to you and family and sorry for the incident that occurred as your partner over here in Nigeria, Mr Sitaram, has made the report and I am on an assignment to South Africa to get hold of those criminals. I want you to let me know whatever is relevant as a clue to enable me to perfect my investigation.

Thank you very much.

Warmest regards,

Ekemefuna A Ikenwe

From: Joshi Sitaram

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There Is Great Strength In Unity

Sent: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 02:25:35 -0700 (PDT)

Good Day My Partner,

How are you today, guess much better? I have been able to complete the $30,000 which I spent for expenses from the investment funds $3,180,000, and right now the whole of the funds is with the bank awaiting my authorisation to go ahead with the telegraphic transfer which no doubt would be done today.

Meanwhile I have also been able to tell my contact in eastern Nigeria to help me with some funds which he was able to remit the sum of $3,000 to the detective, Mr Ekemefuna A Ikenwe, that would be leaving for the South Africa by morning tomorrow, and I am looking unto Mr Sylvester who had lent me $3,000 to also assist me with another $3,000 later today. That would make a round figure of $6,000, but I do not know how possible if he could assist me with that.

As myself right now is already applying for a loan from my wife's bank that would enable us to pay for our flight ticket to the UK on the 29th of this month by God's grace, I want to let you know that I do require you to do me one big favour as I am out of cash right now following my last incident with the Inspector.

You will have to help me with $4,000, which will be sent directly to the detective through the Western Union money transfer which I want you to have done this morning as we are not in the same location right now, as he has left for Lagos this morning where he will get his visa at once.

Please, you are the only one I can turn to for this favour, Mr Windy, and I want you to act fast with this please as I want the money to get to him by today. You have to do me this one favour. The name is above and the address is 5 Aluyi Street, Off Ihama Road, GRA Benin City, Edo State. Please do not turn me down. I strongly hope on you.

To get things straight and so that there would be no mistakes about this, I want you to reconfirm to me if I should make use of this very bank account details at once: account number 74053275. I would be waiting to get a mail from you.

Do remember that there is strength in unity and have at the back of your mind that you only I trust. Say me well to Elizabeth and my son over there, Gilbert Jnr. I have attached to you my entire family picture with my wife, grandfather and relatives, so that you are assured that we are solidly together as I can't afford to put my family's life in danger and I would want you to do the same. This picture was snapped before I lost my son in that car crash and my wife got her knees dislocated that you are aware of. I would also want you to do the same as I need the picture of you and your entire family also for my preference. This you promised to send to me. Please do so.

Bless you.

Sincerely,

Sitaram

NB. I was writing you this mail when I just received your mail with thanks.

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Ekemefuna Ikenwe

Subject: Regarding the criminal Meli Bord

Sent: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 10:36:46

Dear Mr Ikenwe,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to see that you are already hot on the trail of the criminal Meli Bord.

You asked for information on what happened. Basically, Meli Bord, posing as an employee of the Banana Republic company, attempted to scam me out of $15,000 by asking me to transfer it to the following bank account:

Fortif Banque, Rue Neuve 47, 4500 Huy Liege, Belgium

Swift code: GEBABEBB

Account No: BE48001-3859290-27

Beneficiary: STE FADAMA S.A.R.L.

I actually transferred the money to the bank account, but thankfully my bank cancelled the transfer when the WABITS system, of which you are no doubt fully aware, detected that the account was being used by a criminal gang of advance fee fraudsters based in Nigeria.

I then contacted Banana Republic's UK office, and they have confirmed that Meli Bord does not work for them in South Africa, and that this bank account is nothing to do with them.

As for the whereabouts of Mr Bord, I would advise you to ask my partner Mr Sitaram. He has apparently done business with Mr Bord in the past, and indeed called him a friend.

Tell me, Mr Ikenwe, you don't think Mr Sitaram could be involved in this criminal gang, do you? He has always seemed to be extremely honest and a man of his word, but as Meli Bord is his friend, I suppose there is always the possibility that Mr Sitaram has got mixed up with this criminal gang... but surely not. Mr Sitaram is my friend and business partner. Surely he would not try to defraud me? Please set my mind at rest on this matter, Mr Ikenwe.

So, you work for the FBI, do you? That must be fascinating work. I have always been fascinated by America. Tell me, whereabouts in America do you come from?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

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